Aggy offseason joke of the day

Discussion in 'On The Field' started by Vol Horn 4 Life, Apr 24, 2015.

  1. Vol Horn 4 Life

    Vol Horn 4 Life Good Bye To All The Rest!

    How does an aggy find his sheep in tall grass?



    Very satisfying!!

    :yippee:
     
    • Like Like x 5
  2. WorsterMan

    WorsterMan SEC here we come!!

    Did you hear about the aggy that thought Ping-Pong was a veneral disease?
     
    • Like Like x 1
  3. 1leggedduck

    1leggedduck 1,000+ Posts

    I thought someone was trying to copyright something.
     
  4. Driver 8

    Driver 8 Amor Fati

    What's the difference between aggy women and garbage?

    The garbage gets taken out twice a week.
     
    • Like Like x 3
  5. IvanDiabloHorn

    IvanDiabloHorn 1,000+ Posts

    Why does aggy smell so bad? So blind people can hate them, too.
     
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  6. bck031

    bck031 1,000+ Posts

    Did you hear about the Aggie terrorist who tried to blow up the Longhorn team bus.

    He burned his lip on the tailpipe.
     
    • Like Like x 3
  7. shaggy refuge

    shaggy refuge 500+ Posts

    Great! All mine are old, like me!
     
    • Like Like x 1
  8. WorsterMan

    WorsterMan SEC here we come!!

    Look what you started VolHorn! ... with no UT spring football, this thing may go viral this weekend!:coolnana:
     
    • Like Like x 3
  9. bck031

    bck031 1,000+ Posts

    Why don't Aggies use 911 in an emergency?

    Because they can't find "eleven" on the phone dial.
     
    • Like Like x 4
  10. WorsterMan

    WorsterMan SEC here we come!!

    What did the agricultural & mechanical college of Texas graduate say to the University of Texas graduate upon meeting?

    Hi!

    Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order please?
     
    • Like Like x 2
  11. WorsterMan

    WorsterMan SEC here we come!!

    I always tell this one when I am playing golf and someone has not heard it before:

    Did you hear about the aggy that broke his leg recently at this golf course?

    He broke it when he fell off the ball washer!
     
    • Like Like x 5
  12. Texanne

    Texanne 5,000+ Posts

    Then there was the aggy who thought Peter Pan was a washbasin in a whorehouse.

    It was that same aggy, or one very much like him, who was asked if he had any pornography. "No," he replied, "I don't even own a pornograph."
     
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  13. theiioftx

    theiioftx Sponsor Deputy

    Aggy walks into doctor's office with a frog on his head.

    Doctor says, "what seems to be the problem?"

    Frog says, "Can you remove this wart from my ***?"
     
    • Like Like x 6
  14. HornHuskerDad

    HornHuskerDad 5,000+ Posts

    Then there's the all-time best Aggie joke -
    Did you hear about the Aggie who moved to Oklahoma and raised the IQ of both states?
     
    • Like Like x 5
  15. BevoJoe

    BevoJoe 10,000+ Posts

    An Aggy was working on a roof of a building. Two guys from UT saw him and stole the ladder. When it was getting dark the aggy was looking for the ladder. One of the UT grad turned on a flashlight a aimed the light at his feet. "Watch this." He whispered to his buddy. "Hey aggy!!" He shouted, "climb down on the beam of light." The aggy looked at them in disgust, "you guys must think I' pretty stupid." He yelled down. " as soon as I get out there, you'll turn the light off!"
     
    • Like Like x 3
  16. BevoJoe

    BevoJoe 10,000+ Posts

    An aggy walked into a bar with a pig under his arm. "Where did you get THAT!?" Asked the bartender. "I won him in a raffle," replied the pig.
     
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    Last edited: Apr 27, 2015
  17. El Sapo

    El Sapo Bevo's BFF

    A farmer picked up a couple of aggies who were hitchhiking into town and offered to let them ride in the back of his truck. On the way he lost control of the truck and it ended up in a lake. He climbed out of the window, swam to shore, and watched the last of the truck sink beneath the water. The aggies were nowhere to be seen and a full minute passed before they finally came up from the bottom of the lake gasping for air. "What happened to you guys? You should have been the first ones out." One of the aggies, still gasping for air yelled back, "We couldn't get the tail gate down!".
     
    • Like Like x 5
  18. 14tokihorn

    14tokihorn 1,000+ Posts

    An Aggie broke his leg while raking leaves ?
    ... yeah he fell out of the tree.
     
    • Like Like x 4
  19. BevoJoe

    BevoJoe 10,000+ Posts

    A guy was feeling poorly and went to the doctor. The doctor checked him over then sat down to tell him the news. "It's not good, I'm afraid. You only have 6 months to live and there is nothing we can do for you. So, for your remaining time here, what are your plans?" The man thought for a bit, then told the doctor, "Well Doc, I'm going to marry the ugliest aggy woman I can find and move to Oklahoma." The doctor looked puzzled then asked, " why in the world would you do that? It's not going to lengthen your life!" The guy answered, "Yeah, probably not, but every day is going to seem like a year."
     
    • Like Like x 6
  20. Texanne

    Texanne 5,000+ Posts

    An aggy was walking down the street, and a Longhorn was walking behind him. The Longhorn breathes in a deep breath and chokes because all he can smell is crap.

    "Hey, aggy," he shouts, "did you crap in your pants?"

    The aggy, grinning, replies, "Yep, I sure did!"

    "Well," says the Longhorn, "why don't you go home and change them?!?"

    The aggy replies, "Because I'm not through yet."
     
    • Like Like x 3
  21. WorsterMan

    WorsterMan SEC here we come!!

    An aggy is sitting on a park bench and periodically hits himself on the head with a hammer.

    A Longhorn happens to walk by and notices the odd behavior.

    He says to the aggy "hey why are you hitting yourself on the head with a hammer?"

    The aggy replies "because it feels SO GOOD when I stop".
     
    • Like Like x 2
  22. Texanne

    Texanne 5,000+ Posts

    An aggy was walking down the street, and a Longhorn was walking behind him. The Longhorn breathes in a deep breath and chokes because all he can smell is crap.

    He yells at the aggy, "Hey, aggy, did you crap in your pants?"

    "No," says the aggy, "I didn't."

    The Longhorn says, "Are you sure, aggy?"

    The aggy says, "Yes, I'm sure."

    The Longhorn says, "Are you lying, aggy?"

    The aggy says, "No, I wouldn't lie to you."

    So the Longhorn says, "Well, I've got to see for myself." So he yanks down the aggy's pants, and they're loaded with crap!

    "Look here, aggy," says the Longhorn. "You said you didn't crap in your pants. What's all this, then?!?"

    "Oh," says the aggy, "I thought you meant today."
     
    • Like Like x 2
  23. Vol Horn 4 Life

    Vol Horn 4 Life Good Bye To All The Rest!

    [​IMG]
     
    • Like Like x 2
  24. Texanne

    Texanne 5,000+ Posts

    A guy walks into bar, sits down on a barstool and orders a beer. He says to the bartender, "Hey, you hear the newest aggy joke?"

    The bartender, a pretty big guy, says, "Let me stop you right there. I'm a graduate of Texas A&M. You see that big ol' bouncer over there? He's also a graduate of Texas A&M. And that huge guy over there playing pool -- the one that looks like he could crush your spleen? He's also a Texas A&M grad. So now, do you really want to tell that joke??"

    So the guy says, "Nah ... I don't want to have to explain it three times."
     
    • Like Like x 4
  25. shaggy refuge

    shaggy refuge 500+ Posts

    Awesome! Keep 'em coming.
     
  26. iatrogenic

    iatrogenic 2,500+ Posts

    A team of aggie PHDs worked for two years on finding a way to get dogs to quit humping the doctors' legs.

    The solution?

    Flip the dogs over and suck their d***s!
     
    • Like Like x 2
  27. beer_dog

    beer_dog 100+ Posts

    One day there was an aggy coach on his way back from Houston with a stud football player who really wanted to be a an aggy. All the way back to college station the recruit was talking about aggy traditions, bond fires, yell leaders and such. Well just before they got into town the recruit see's a sheep with its head stuck in the fence and thinking to himself that if I really wants to impress this coach I better do it now, so he yells at the coach " pull the car over there's a sheep", the car pulls over and the recruit runs over and hops the fence. Instead of helping the sheep get out of the fence he pulls down his pants and starts humping the sheep , then he turns to the coach with a big smile and says "coach would you like some of this?" Now the coach is thinking that if I really wants to impress this kid I better act fast, so he replies "hell yes I want some!" runs over and sticks his head in the fence.
     
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  28. BevoJoe

    BevoJoe 10,000+ Posts

    Scientists at aggy world went public with an amazing announcement. With media from allover the known civilized world, and parts of Alabama, in attendance, the lead aggy scientist stated, "We aggys are proud to announce that we are going to send a spaceship to the sun!" Other scientists looked stunned and glanced at one another, until one spoke up, "Are you crazy!! The ship will melt and vaporize from the heat!" The aggy scientist looked at him, shook his head and retorted, "Don't be foolish! We going to go at night."
     
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    Last edited: Apr 29, 2015
  29. BevoJoe

    BevoJoe 10,000+ Posts

    A really hot looking aggy chick (yeah I know its a myth, but bear with me here) couldn't understand why men were not attracted to her. She went to see her vet, I mean doctor. "What's the problem, miss?" Asked the Doctor. "Well, I can't get dates." She began, "I make sure I dress sexy, and look good, but men take me out and hurry me home cutting dates short. They won't even kiss me goodnight if they even walk me to my door." The Doctor said "Ok, undress and I'll examine you." The doctor, as doctors do, poked and prodded, an made the typical doctor sounds like "hmmm" and "ahhh" and check everything out from head to toe. When done, the Doctor said I know what the problem is, so dress and come in my office. The aggy dressed went in and sat down. "So, what's my problem?" she asked with a frightened look on her face. The doctor thought for a moment and said "Well, besides the fact that you're an aggy, it seems that you have a very bad case of the zacklies." The aggy girl's eyes opened wide and putting her hands on her cheeks she cried out "Oh my god!! What are the zacklies!?" The Doctor looked at her in the eye and told her, "In simple terms...your mouth smells zackly like your butt."
     
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    Last edited: Apr 30, 2015
  30. BevoJoe

    BevoJoe 10,000+ Posts

    This just in!...Researchers studying the human anatomy have determined that an aggy must have designed the human body since only an aggy would be dumb enough to run the sewer system through the playground...
     
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