Aggy offseason joke of the day

Bless you all you made this old man's day. I needed a good laugh or 2 dozen!

 

How many aggies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but he gets 3 hours credit.

 

A professor at aggy is giving a seminar on the supernatural.

To get a feel for his audience, he asks: How many people here believe in ghosts? About 60 students raise their hands.

Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost? About 30 students raise their hands.

Has anyone here ever touched a ghost? 3 students raise their hands. That's fantastic!

OK. Have any of you ever made love to a ghost? 1 student in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished.

He says, Son, in all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience!

The redneck student pulls up his overalls, replies with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his way up to the lectern. The professor says, well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost.

The student replies: Ghost?

Damn... From back there I thought you said 'goats' !!

 

New Flash AP and UPI: A small single engine Grumman private airplane crashed in College Station, Texas shortly after noon (CST) today. The plane exploded when it hit the ground in a cemetery just blocks from Texas A&M University. Rescue Crews from the nearby university were the first to respond and, so far, have recovered 371 bodies. The Aggie rescue units are still digging at this time.

 

A Longhorn, a Sooner, and an aggy were all riding together through the countryside when their car broke down. They started walking, and pretty soon they came upon a sheep that had its head stuck in a barbed-wire fence. The sheep's backside was facing the road.

"I wish it was Scarlett Johannsen," said the Longhorn.

"I was it was Megan Fox," said the Sooner.

"I wish it was dark," said the aggy.

 

LOL. Texanne, you are so bad!!!

 

All I can say is that it's a good thing we don't have a board for Arkansas jokes.

 

I can start one of those too if ya like!!!!

 

Oh, dear God, no ...

The worst jokes I know, and I mean exceptionally disgusting, are Arkansas jokes. It would embarrass even me to post them here.

 

Scientists now have proof that Earth has been visited by aliens from another solar system. Seems these aliens were investigating the heavens with their powerful telescopes and discovered the Earth. Upon investigation, they determined that Earth had water on the surface and oxygen in its atmosphere, and thus might be capable of supporting intelligent life forms. So they sent an exploratory mission to Earth to hunt for intelligent life. They landed in College Station, found no evidence of intelligent life, and went back home.

 

Ice is no longer available in the drinks at the cafeterias at A&M.
The senior who knew the recipe graduated.

 

An aggy was walking past the football field when he picked up a stray ball and punted it 70 yards. An aggy coach saw this and said "Son, can you pass a ball like that?" The aggy replied, "Hell, if I can swallow it, I can pass it!"

 

The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a Duke University law school graduate from an upper crust family, well-bred, well-connected, and all that goes with it. The other finalist was an Aggie from Texas A&M.

The directions were simple: each contestant had 60 seconds to come up with AND recite a poem utilizing the word of the day. The Duke grad sat down behind the table on the stage and was handed a paper and a pencil. The judge, holding his stop watch said: "O.k. the word for today is 'Timbuktu'. You have 60 seconds, begin!" The Duke grad sat in silence for a brief moment and then quickly wrote something down and then stood. He recited his poem:

"Slowly moving across the sand, Trekked the dusty caravan. Men on camels, two by two, Destination--Timbuktu."

The hall erupted and people leapt to their feet. Women wept. Then it was the Aggie's turn. He sat at the table, was given the same instructions, and his 1 minute began. He sat with a blank expression for 40 seconds, playing with his baseball cap. Then with 10 seconds left he spat some chew next to the chair and stood up:

"Tim and me, a-huntin' went. We spied three maidens in a tent. Them being three, and us being two, I bucked one, and Timbuktu."

 

1963 Frosh - I am still LOL... if I could give you 2 likes I would have done so!

 

1963 Frosh reminded me of this one:


An Aggy went hunting in the woods one day. He happened upon this beautiful woman laying naked in the grass.

He asked her, "Are you game?"

The woman said "yes."

So he shot her.

 

I love Reveille going by on a skateboard. I believe the proper expression is "downhill on a scooter". LSUFreek does the best work on the interwebs.

 

I love that video for all the obvious reasons. I just recently noticed the iced down Zima's in the barrel on the left side of the video and the Twelf Man hillbilly drinking one - cracked me up!

 

Also, Frannochio clapping along is greatness.

 

Ask an Aggie about the Fran years. They act like it never happened.

 

Who is this Fran you speak of? Was she the chef or cook in the Jock dorm?

 

I'm pretty sure it was Francine the Talking Mule.

 

Did you hear about the Aggie who won a gold medal at the Olympics?
He liked it so much that he decided to get it bronzed.

 

I first heard the Timbuktu Aggie Joke from a speaker at a conference I was attending in San Diego in the late 70s. The entire audience (most of whom probably didn't know an Aggie from a Teasip) burst into prolonged laughter. It's the best joke of any kind I've ever heard told from a podium. I probably would vote for any political candidate who would tell it.

 

What's the difference between agricultural & mechanical college of Texas and Rice Krispies?


Rice Krispies know what to do in a bowl.

 

Or...

None. They both go snap, crackle and pop in a bowl.

 

Did you hear about the aggy the put in a round room and told him to go pee in the corner?

 

No, what happened? He held it?

 

He drowned...