Classic Spider Ag post

Discussion in 'In The Stands' started by WorsterMan, Aug 12, 2019.

  1. WorsterMan

    WorsterMan 10,000+ Posts

    It's the off season ya'll and outside of injury reports there is limited news coming out of fall camp. I got curious about classic old threads (see tab under forums) and was seeking something funny from Spider Ag. So I stumbled upon this jewel. I remember reading it the first time laughing with tears in my eyes.

    Enjoy a trip down memory lane:

    "I remember back on January One 1999 I went to the Cotton Bowl cuzz my Lord and Saver was a actin as the Missippy State head coach.I drunk up about eight measures a vodka fore kickoff and I was a swangin cowbells with my Missippy brethren like they was lamb carcasses on the hook after another meat judgin vicktree.

    Come hafftime I done added bout seven pints a Cotton Bowl keg beer to my bladder an I was swole up like a pregnant cow dog, soes I went a looking fer the john. Seein how the piss line extended ten tractor langths out the door I kept a walkin and turnt a corner facing some closed elevador doors. I took a chance an whipped 'er out right there and then. I wanna take this moment to thank God, Jackie Sherrill, and Bucky Richardson that I was able to finish without them doors openin. I dont thank I coulda survived a Dallas Cop billy clubbin in my grain n barley soaked state.

    Come the fourth qwarter this longhorn fella behind me kept yellin, "Hey Sherrill, I hear John Wayne Gasey used to dress up like a clown too!"
    I wanted to confront this fella, but I dident fill like gettin my *** whooped, and besides I done added bout eight more pints a beer to my belly since the haff and my brain was swimmin somewheres tween the Skilla and the Caribs. My innerds was a bubblin up sumpin fierce soes I went a stumblin twords the john a figgerin to upheave.

    This is where I might get a little sentamental. You see, all this talk about renavatin the Cotton Bowl makes me sad. Cuzz that mornin as I stumbled threw the bathroom stall and the rust spat from its tired hinges, I fell to the tiled floor where the grit has turned green with age and bad aim; desperately I gripped the base of that cherished old potty, lurched my flushed face over the discolored edge of the worn creaky seat, and emancipated the new year's contents of my soul into that cracked porcalin relic. At that moment, I knew without a shadow of a doubt, that the kin folk of Kyle Rote and Doak Walker once sat n shat upon that same sacred tank. ----- ... give me a moment to wipe the tears from my eyes... ----- Folks, I hope you understand why the Cotton Bowl can never be renavated. Theys just too much histry in that house.

    The Cotton Bowl's an ALLSOME
    place, Amen".
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    Last edited: Aug 16, 2019
  2. horninchicago

    horninchicago 5,000+ Posts

    I have to admit that I didn't know this was where "Allsome" came from.

    This does not sit well with me and I am not gruntled right now.

    It came from an aggie though, so I am now gruntled.
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  3. WorsterMan

    WorsterMan 10,000+ Posts

    Most of us suspect Spider Ag was one of ours.... not sure if he orginated "allsome"... he prolly did.
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    Last edited: Aug 12, 2019
  4. horninchicago

    horninchicago 5,000+ Posts

    I figured he was. I remember his posts.

    Dang it, if he didn't originate it, who did? This is uphauling.
  5. WorsterMan

    WorsterMan 10,000+ Posts

    HIC, I was shocked and chagrined a few posters thought he was an idoit.
    • Funny Funny x 2
  6. earl77

    earl77 250+ Posts

    I knew without a shadow of a doubt, that the kin folk of Kyle Rote and Doak Walker once sat n shat upon that same sacred tank. ----- ... give me a moment to wipe the tears from my eyes... ----- Folks, I hope you understand why the Cotton Bowl can never be renavated. Theys just too much histry in that house.

    • Funny Funny x 2
  7. Vol Horn 4 Life

    Vol Horn 4 Life 5,000+ Posts

    There are few people I miss posting and he is one of them. One of the others is TPE (The Peoples Elbow). His sarcasm and humor was epic and he just disappeared one day. I feel like I remember him first using Allsome. Another was Scipio Tex or just Scipio who I get to hear regularly on The Horn. I occasionally think about calling in to invite him back.
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  8. Sangre Naranjada

    Sangre Naranjada Liquor Man

    Allsome was Spider's.

    tpe never used caps. "aggy" was his everlasting contribution to the interwebz.
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  9. BevoJoe

    BevoJoe 5,000+ Posts

    Man! That was just as hilarious the second time around. I miss Spider Ag's posts they were always funny! What ever happened to that guy?
  10. uisge beatha

    uisge beatha 1,000+ Posts

    I miss 12thStudStan's post too. Another who just kinda faded away
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  11. Driver 8

    Driver 8 smoooove

    I think "dook" was his too
  12. WorsterMan

    WorsterMan 10,000+ Posts

    HF Mount Rushmore of Humor - my nominees (there may be others I've forgotten):

    Spider Ag
    12th Stud Stan
    Joe Fan

    Honorable mention:

    Orange Turd Frog
    Gardere Owns ou (aka Goo)
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    Last edited: Aug 16, 2019
  13. WorsterMan

    WorsterMan 10,000+ Posts

    OK - so here is another Spider Ag post eye doug out of the Klassics!

    "After watchin the Coogar players dog pile upon each another out there a cellabratin an a horse playin on our sacred Aggie grass my hole body went numm with despair.
    Lotsa thangs went threw my mind. I started feelin anger at God for makin me a Aggie. I started a hatin Ma and Pa Spider for bein aggies and therefore givin me no choice in life exsept to be a Aggie.

    I come to a cunklusion on my lonesum walk to my core dorm barricks. I decided when I got to my room I was gonna lay down on my bed and slit my rists. Jest put a end to my ag misery and sufferin.
    Well, when I get there wooden you know that Revellie was a sprawled out on my bed, just a snorin away with her snout buried in urine stained sheets.
    I shoulda knowed that she was gonna be there because she always sleeps on my bed the day after I wet it, and I was havin a nitetmare the nite before about tu sweepin us outta the Big 12 Turnamint and I pissed my bed.

    Well, you folks know the rules about when Revellie is a sleepin on your bed you caint move her and you gotta sleep on the floor. Soes I took that as a sine that maybee I shouldent slit my rists and I sunk down on the floor and cried my self to sleep.

    This mornin I awoked and had to take a dump but I was so depressed that I couldent move I just lay there on the floor and shat myself. I guess the aroma made its way to Revelie and she was rousted from her sleep. Eventchally she come off my bed and ate the **** outta my drawers. She might be the most pamperd ***** in the histry a A&M but a dog will still eat **** if you let 'em.

    After what Revellie done for me, cleanin me up and such, I was suddenly ashamed that I wanted to kill myself for bein a Ag. Us Ags take care a each another. We may suck at ever sport we ever played but by golly we got each another and we got colly dog tradition, core folk tradition, and hand jester tradition like no other folks in the world got."

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  14. WorsterMan

    WorsterMan 10,000+ Posts

    Here is probably one of his best & yes Driver 8 - he says dooky.

    "Ain't much has changed in Lubbick sense the last time we got dooky stomped by the Red Rayders. Same thang ever time we go out there. The Fighting Texas Aggie Football Team gets a wippin on the field and the 12th Man gets a wippin in the stands. How ever I must say this is the first time The Spider ever done had a goal post rammed up his tailpipe.I was jess a standin there doin my hand jesters and practicin my post game yells then all the sudden hear come this goal post outta nowheres. Like any good Aggie that sees a long lean objeck comin at um I turned my back and bent over.... Thunk!!!
    It was a little more than The Spider could handle. I was a lifted airborn and my legs was a kickin and my arms was a flailin. Don't tell no one but I caught Mr. Mackinny upside the eyeball with my flailin Spider arm. I aint never hit no one so hard in my life, but I aint never been a human mannakin either. It was all adrenalin.

    Any ways, I was finnaly lowered enuff and a four or five good Ag fellas grabbed my arms and yanked me from the death rod. It sounded like a cork pulled from a wine bottle and both my sholders was pulled outta socket, but I stayed there and finished my yells before I let um take me to the hospital. The Doc says my shoulders would get better with time, but he says my dooky hole won't never be the same. It just kinda flaps open and shut now soes I decided to name it the Swingin Gate after one a my favert Aggie plays. Spider allways finds the positives in everthang.

    And aktually it was kinda good that the 12th Man got our butts kicked cuzz it takes the attention away from our football team gettin there butts kicked. We really caint complane about the offishiatin this year soes its good that Tech gave us sumpin else to complane about."

    Beat the hell outta uo!!!

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    Last edited: Aug 16, 2019
  15. horninchicago

    horninchicago 5,000+ Posts

    Gotta give ole Spider credit on "uo". Never understood how them dang dirty sooners turned university of oklahoma into oklahoma university and get away with it.

    I s'pose others do it to.
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  16. bystander

    bystander 5,000+ Posts

    That's funny as shat...
  17. Texanne

    Texanne 5,000+ Posts

    My favorite was when SpiderAg writers “pome” as aggy’s game with the Noter Dame approached.

    I quote:

    You may have the golden dome and the cathlick pope,
    We has maroon carrots and a fullback on dope.
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  18. BevoJoe

    BevoJoe 5,000+ Posts

    That guy was some kind of funny! I had a good, long laugh reading those posts again.
  19. AC

    AC 1,000+ Posts

    Thunk!!! Bwahahaha! Spider Ag, please come back.
    • Agree Agree x 2

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