This has been a source of many long conversations between my wife and I. Unfortunately we are on separate sides of the fence. I'd love to get other opinions... Our 13 yo daughter and her friends have decided that they want to go see a concert next July. They also want to to purchase floor seats. Floor seats are about $500 - $600 per ticket. Our dilemma is not so much is she too young to go to the concert; in fact one of us would go along with them. Our disagreement is about whether or not we should let her spend $600 on a concert ticket. The concert is 11 months away and they have been doing things to earn small amounts of money all summer. So far she has saved about 25% of the cost. One side of the disagreement believes that if she sets a goal and earns/saves the money than we should allow her to use the money for the concert. This would be good life lesson. The other side believes that this is a crazy amount of money to spend on a concert ticket. This amount of money could be used for something more worth while, like savings for a future car. And by allowing her to spend this amount of money on a ticket, we've failed as parents at helping our daughter see the value of money. What are you thoughts? .
In total agreement with Dionysus...when I was younger, this exact situation happened but it was with my younger sister and all her little friends were saving up for >shudder< New Kids on the Block. No other parent but my mom would agree to go so I went as well to help chaperone. My mother is in failing health now, beginning to suffer from dementia, so the family visits have increased significantly. Just 2 weeks or so ago, we were all laughing and teasing my sister about her love for NKOTB, and my sister said, "you know, that was one of the best nights of my life. And all my friends were jealous that their mom didn't go too". My sister is now 50 years old, and the look on her face when she talked about that night was priceless. It was also a very warm moment for she and my mom. Me, I think my ears are still damaged from the teen-aged screaming! Let her go--make this something the exception, not the rule and let her make a memory she won't forget.
I, personally, would have a conversation with her to see if she really feels the floor seats are really worth that cost of admission. I can understand the memory aspect, but in 15-20 years, would floor seats be that much more memorable than other seats? I'm not one for investing much money in non-tangible things. We go on vacation, but we don't spend a huge amount of money on them. I'd rather put that money towards our house and retirement. Also, part of growing up and making wise decisions financially is making some regrettable decisions and learning from them. It also depends on what you and your wife have in mind for your daughter. That's something you really need to get on the same page on, or you'll be in serious trouble. Are you planning on making her pay for her own car? it would be a good idea to establish your expectations of her years in advance. I remember Dave Ramsey telling folks that he told his kids that they had to work to buy their cars, but that he and his wife would match whatever they put in. when the first kid saved $4000, they matched that and the daughter bought an $8000 car. when the younger kids saw their parents were serious, the next ones saved about $6000 and $8000.
I'm not a parent, yet, but did raised my two younger siblings. I've taught them the value of a dollar and how to separate their wants and needs. So ask your daughter, is 1. the concert a need or a want to her, 2. would she be willing to compromise and get less expensive tickets. It is admirable that she is working raising her own money to buy the ticket so she's definitely learning that you have to work for what you get. I personally wouldn't spend $600 on a ticket unless John Lennon comes back from the dead for an encore, I would give an arm to see that. But in all honesty, no money in the world is worth your child's happiness, so let her save up as much money as she possibly can, then when you put in the difference, ask yourself if that X amount of money you had to put in worth your child's happiness. When we're all old and gone, our memories is all we really truly leave behind, so do it and create this wonderful memory for her and others to remember. Just my 2 cents.
Two decent viewpoints expressed here, but I'll go with this one: 13 is too young to make that decision. You are the parent; be the parent. Just because it's "her" money does not mean she can buy whatever she wants--she is "your" daughter. You have obviously taught her some wisdom on the working/earning/saving side of the equation. Teach her some wisdom on the spending side. Are most people broke and living month to month because they won't work? No, it's because they make stupid impulsive decisions on spending. Is our country broke and in debt because we don't have enough tax revenue? No. Suppose you had a 13 year-old boy, who had $5,000 from working and/or grandparents giving him money; would you let him blow it all on a diamond ring for some 13 year-old girlfriend? Even if he insisted that to him it would be worth it? If adults spend 1 or 2 months income on an engagement ring that will last a long time, a month's income seems kind of an outside cap for spending on a 2-hour concert. (She'll learn an important lesson either way, so if you do decide to let her do it, tell her you don't think she'll find it worth it, but you hope she does, and then support it and be proud of her focus. If you hold to some reasonable limit--like $120 a ticket, then all the other parents will think you are the greatest, and not just because of the saved money, but for the preserved control you will be needing on the next 100 issues coming at you. You have 5 more years of letting out the boundaries--vacations, parties, cars, boyfriends.... )
I am surprised by some of these answers. Of course she should get the floor seats and go to the concert. The fact that they are earning the money themselves already has taught them about the value of money. There is nothing wrong with working hard because you want nice things. This is a great lesson for her down the road. Plus, SHE IS 13!! Plenty of time to teach about saving.
Dionysis: As seems to have become typical for you, your intolerance overrides everything else. While I afforded the grace to say that there were two good differing viewpoints, you attacked my parenting and compared it to handling "chattel." Have you been to law school, to know the history of that term, or did it come from Wikipedia for you? (I did go to law school) How has a kid-centric approach worked in your parenting so far? (I have four children, two of whom are grown.) Is your only comparable experience in the question asked that you were once a 13-year old who wanted to do whatever you wanted to do? Tell us something about yourself, so we can know whether your opinion has experience behind it, and whether you are using chattel in its technical meaning. Yes, cincyhorn's daughter is HIS daughter, far more than that money in HER money. Kids only have spending money because the parents pay for their room, board, education, clothing, and everything else. In each home, kids are allowed to have/keep money according to what the parents decide. Kids who are raised by parents who put deep thought and prayer into the awesome responsibility (and authority) of raising their children into adulthood do far better than kids who get to be the kings and queens of their own worlds. But then to me, "far better" would mean (by adulthood): independent of government, of addictions, of impulsiveness, of needless rebellion against authority, and having a self control and purpose in life that lead to joy. You might have a different definition.
If she is old enough to earn the money, then she is old enough to choose how she spends it. I think its important for kids to be allowed to fail by their parents. If they never experience failure, then they will never learn to make better choices the next time. This is how I would handle it: Me: You have worked really hard on earning that money. Are you going to save it or spend it? Kid: Spend it on concert tickets. Me: OK Two weeks after concert and money is blown. Kid: Can I have money for XYZ? Me: No, you are going to have to save up for that w/o my help. Kid: Damn, Im a moron for blowing $600 on three hours of entertainment. Lesson is learned. Just telling your kid that the concert is a waste of money will not teach your child anything about money managment, independence, regret, etc.
As long as she earns it, then let her go, but she needs to understand that if she chooses to spend 100% of her income on such a frivolous endeavor, that when she comes crawling to you a month later for $20 to go the movie, she will be reminded she could have seen 30 movies had she spent her money wisely, and sorry, you don't have any to give her, Too bad, so sad. She needs to learn the lesson now before she can do real damage later in life.
VYFan, I don’t know why you were so personally offended or felt attacked by my comment. And although I might not share your knowledge of etymology, I do have a fairly healthy command of the language which I was somehow able to acquire without the benefit of a JD. I’m not sure what “kid-centric” means for you but our approach is to treat our kids like individuals, which is not synonymous with adult but simply means that we have a high degree of respect for their abilities to make decisions, especially when it pertains to the things they have worked for and earned on their own. The fact that I pay for their room, board, etc does not — in my view — encroach on their right to exercise a certain amount of autonomy in life.
That's a lot of coin. Why so much? To me, the price is outlandish. $600 for a concert ticket? I wouldn't pay $600 to see Jesus walk a tight-rope. but that's just me. There's no clearly right or wrong answer. Either decision can be supported within the context of a healthy parent/child relationship. I would say they'd have to earn, say, twice the amount of the ticket price and place the excess in some sort of college fund. But really, that's an expensive ticket.
interesting, too bad she has to learn the life lesson on a $600 ticket, but if she earned the money, I say let her blow the dough. I had a similar experience much younger. I was probably 7, and was saving my 25 cent a week allowance for many weeks to be able to buy that $4.00 G I. Joe. I bought that guy, and played with him for about 2 weeks or less, realized it wasn't the best judgment, and became a crazy saver, until I met my wife. We lived in North Austin, and I was able to ride my bike to the Franklin Savings and Loan that was on Highway 183. I had the little passbook, and I would deposit every piece of change I had. This saving behavior continued so much that when I came back from Army basic training in early August 1983, I had over $7100 in my account after I made my parents stop on the way home, so I could deposit the 7 Benjamins in my pocket. I had graduated HS in May '83, and got on the plane the next day to go to Fort Leonard Wood, MO. Fall tuition and fees were approximately $240, room and board was about $980 a semester, and books were about $100.
I'd be quick to jump on the "let her learn from her own mistake" bandwagon, except I can only venture that you're talking about the One Direction tour next summer. Then it gets "iffy." You don't need to sit on the floor to enjoy a concert like that. You just don't. You're not going to touch any of the boys, and their sound will be so loud and over-the-top that you can sit in the last row and still figure out what's going on. There will be lights and 'splosions and booms and flashes and other crap to get teenage girls' attention. There really is no rational way to say "but I need to be 30 rows away!" because the experience will be no better (and honestly, probably worse given the type of people that will be around her). If this was seeing someone famous at a smaller venue with a storytelling atmosphere, then it might be worth the $600 to be a few yards away. But for a generic boy band concert? I'd put my foot down.
I would still follow my advice from earlier but there is another route that would possibly still teach the same life lesson. You could agree to a $300 ticket and then say "wow, doesn't it feel great to still have $300 in your pocket to do xyz". I still say to let her spend the money how she wants though. I think the life lesson is far far more valuable than $600 dollars that could be easily replaced with a few days of work as an adult. The lesson should be that when you work hard, you earn money that is yours to spend however you want. What you do with it says a lot about your level of responsibility and what your values are. These are lessons that you will teach better by example than force. It may not show up now, but you will give her every chance to succeed as an adult. Don't waste the opportunity.
I don't think I would be able to stomach letting my child spend $600 to see a freakin' boy band. Your parenting has already failed in that she likes that "music", anyway... Just kidding... I would try to price some other, less expensive tickets, and then show her all the things the money she "saves" can buy. Maybe she can take an extra friend with her. Maybe she can get some extra music downloads from more crappy bands she likes, or some new clothes, whatever. My point is, make sure she TRULY understands the tangible value of the money she is spending. I'd even go so far as to make sure she volunteers at a homeless shelter, or a battered women's shelter, just so she can see how much that money would mean to someone who has none. If she still insists the $600 tickets are "worth it" to her, then let her buy the tickets, imo.
Posting questions is fine doc, but the one posting needs to take the recommendations with a grain of salt.
Let her go. By the sound of it, she has solid parents who will have plenty of time to straighten her out if this creates an issue that needs fixing. It will be REALLY interesting to see if she thinks it was worth it. My guess is that she will initially say YES, but she may not know what $600will buy yet. Her opinion may change over time. Coincidentally, my daughter had a friend in this EXACT same situation last spring ($500 for New Direction(?) floor tickets. Parents approved the deal, kid saved $500, parents changed their mind at last minute. IMO, VERY bad parenting. They had plenty of time to change their mind. Made the kid look bad to her friends. My daughter -age 14- said $500 was rediculous to spend for a concert. She earns more than that monthly babysitting & buys lots of her own 'stuff'. Of course, she just asked me to pull some strings to get her some Justin Bieber tickets...!
I've not read through all the messages in this post, but my take on it is yep to me it seems a heck of a lot of money..expescially as I suspect the concernt is going to be some big name teen band/artist that won't be around in 10 years, but hey...that's beside the point I guess. IF she earns it all herself, and she is specifically working towards this (ie - its not at the expense of other things being saved towards previously), then why not? It is a lot of money but maybe with all the hard work it will actually help her understand the value of money to some degree? Better she's earning it than her just pleading with her parents to buy her tickets and the $500 not really having any meaning. Is 13/14 too young for them to be inside the concert on their own in a group? Would you be able to drop them off and pick them up afterwards? Is it that risky?
If your daughter sets a goal then works towards that goal and achieves it then it's worth it. I'd bet that at some point during the journey she'll figure out herself how much effort it takes to earn that kind of cash while trying to balance concert savings vs daily spending habits and will rationalize with herself that it's not worth it. Even if she does save enough and decide to spend the money on the concert she'll appreciate it even more and will probably have memories her entire life because she earned it! Either way it's a life lesson.
