FLASH: Notre Dame admits Manti T'eo doesn't exist

Discussion in 'On The Field' started by darius, Jan 17, 2013.

  1. darius

    darius 500+ Posts

    (AP) January 17, 2013, South Bend, IN. – In an unfolding saga, Notre Dame University made the startling announcement today that senior linebacker Manti T’eo does not exist. “We have discovered that the existence of Manti T’eo is all part of an elaborate hoax,” said Notre Dame AD Jack Swarbrick, “and we intend to get to the bottom of this fraud."

    Notre Dame's announcement came after a ten-day internal investigation that was initiated when questions arose about T'eo's performance in the BCS national championship game. Swarbrick explained,"At several junctures during that game, T'eo appeared to be in close proximity to Alabama ball-carriers, but he was inexplicably unable to tackle any of them. We began asking ourselves, 'Wait! How can that be?'"

    When asked how the perpetrators could make T’eo appear to exist on the field during games over the past four years and in numerous televised broadcasts and interviews, Swarbrick replied, “We’re still investigating that, but we think they used a sophisticated holographic technology similar to that used by R2D2 to project Princess Leia’s image in Star Wars.” Swarbrick continued, “I note in passing the proximity of the University of Southern California to several Hollywood studios possessing such technology. I’m not making any accusations at this point; I’m just sayin’…”

    Notre Dame has not decided yet whether to return the numerous post-season awards and honors garnered by T’eo, including the Maxwell, Walter Camp, Bednarik and Nagurski awards, and the NCAA has not yet weighed in on the issue. “We are reviewing all the relevant rules and conditions for those honors,” said Swarbrick. “At this point, we’re not sure that actual existence is a stated pre-condition for any of those awards. After all, Texas A&M University recently claimed two Big 12 championships that didn’t actually exist.”
     
  2. WorsterMan

    WorsterMan 10,000+ Posts

    Since all these admissions:

    ND has come forward to admit T'eo doesn't exist
    T'eo has come forward with his admission of a made up dying GF
    Lance has come forward with his admission of blood doping & lying
    WorsterMan is now coming forward to admit that the stunning Miss Katherine Webb is going to have his love child

    There, I feel better knowing I have gotten out in front of the issue and the sure to follow media frenzy...
     
  3. PropositionJoe

    PropositionJoe 2,500+ Posts

    well i suppose that explains his performance against alabama
     
  4. notanative

    notanative 1,000+ Posts

    Beat me to it, Joe. Was gonna say Alabama already knew that.
     
  5. PropositionJoe

    PropositionJoe 2,500+ Posts

    I WIN I WIN I WIN

    [​IMG]
     
  6. darius

    darius 500+ Posts

    Excellent point, Joe. Post revised accordingly.
     
  7. WorsterMan

    WorsterMan 10,000+ Posts

    Detective Joe solves the mystery of the missing T'eo vs. 'Bama [​IMG]
     
  8. caryhorn

    caryhorn 5,000+ Posts

    I was thinking that Brent Musburger was announcing that Nortre Dame does not exist.
     
  9. accuratehorn

    accuratehorn 10,000+ Posts

    Brent Musberger announced that AJ McCarron stole Manti T'eo's internet girlfriend, because quarterbacks get all the girls, even imaginary ones.
     
  10. huisache

    huisache 2,500+ Posts

    which all begs the question: when are they going to figure out that jesus didn't exist either?
     

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