jokes for yer big brain

Discussion in 'Esther's Follies' started by Dionysus, Jun 28, 2013.

  1. Horn6721

    Horn6721 10,000+ Posts

    :lmao: but Groan:rolleyes1:
    • Agree Agree x 1
  2. BevoJoe

    BevoJoe 10,000+ Posts

    A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
    On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.” “What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married 10 times?”
    “Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be.
    Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.
    Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn’t get the system up.
    Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.
    Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
    Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.
    Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
    Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it.
    Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it.
    Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was…God! I miss him!
    But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!” “Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?” “You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m going to get screwed!”
    • Funny Funny x 2
    • Like Like x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
  3. Facing Addiction

    Facing Addiction 500+ Posts

  4. Facing Addiction

    Facing Addiction 500+ Posts

  5. Driver 8

    Driver 8 Mullet Time

    Old McDonald got a promotion at the farm

    His new title is CIEIO
    • Funny Funny x 9
  6. Pickle_Nuts

    Pickle_Nuts Will travel with tickets.

    If you get married in a church, you cantaloupe.
    • Funny Funny x 3
    • Like Like x 1
  7. Facing Addiction

    Facing Addiction 500+ Posts

    • Funny Funny x 4
  8. Driver 8

    Driver 8 Mullet Time

    A local Indian restaurant is making employees sign a legal contract that they won't share the flatbread recipe. Just your standard naan disclosure agreement.
    • Funny Funny x 4
  9. Statalyzer

    Statalyzer 10,000+ Posts

    My grief counselor died in the middle of our session. I didn't even care. Guess she was pretty good.
    • Funny Funny x 2
  10. Statalyzer

    Statalyzer 10,000+ Posts

    A buddy of mine asked me what the 9th letter of the alphabet was. It was a total guess, but I was right.
    • Funny Funny x 2
    • Hot Hot x 1
  11. Driver 8

    Driver 8 Mullet Time

    now we're banging again
  12. utahorn

    utahorn 250+ Posts

    "I" am happy that you were correct.
  13. Statalyzer

    Statalyzer 10,000+ Posts

    I just don’t understand how some people have trouble falling asleep... I can do it with my eyes closed.
    • Funny Funny x 2
  14. HornHuskerDad

    HornHuskerDad 5,000+ Posts

    On their wedding night in the bridal suite, preparing for bed-
    He - "Honey, I have a confession to make. I should have told you earlier, but you're going to find out soon enough."
    She wonders with a worried look.
    He - "I'm a golfaholic. It's golf all the time for me. Don't look for me on the weekends; I'll be playing golf. I watch the Golf Channel; I subscribe to all the golf magazines. I buy the new equipment when it comes out. When we take a vacation, it'll be a golf vacation. Just thought I should tell you now."
    She breathes a sigh of relief. "I have a confession to make, too - I'm a hooker."
    He - "No problem - we can weaken your grip and open your stance a bit..."
    • Funny Funny x 5

Share This Page