jokes for yer big brain

Discussion in 'Esther's Follies' started by Dionysus, Jun 28, 2013.

  1. VYFan

    VYFan 2,500+ Posts

    Good! Math smack.
     
  2. Statalyzer

    Statalyzer 10,000+ Posts


     
  3. Dionysus

    Dionysus Cocky + Relaxed Admin

    I’ve been reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s just impossible to put down.
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  4. Dionysus

    Dionysus Cocky + Relaxed Admin

    A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad.

    Wife: Is it a boy or a girl?

    Logician: Yes.
     
  5. huisache

    huisache 2,500+ Posts

    An English prof tells his class that a double negative forms a positive and a double positive forms a positive and that although in some languages a double negative can still be a negative, there is no language in which a double positive forms a negative.

    A student in the back (which is why I always sat in the back) pipes up and says "yeah, right."
     
  6. huisache

    huisache 2,500+ Posts

    a bartender in Port Aransas told me that Rene Descartes was in the bar earlier in the evening and I expressed an interest in meeting him. Bartender says that is impossible. He asked Descartes if he wanted a drink, Descartes said "I think not" and disappeared.
     
  7. Statalyzer

    Statalyzer 10,000+ Posts

    Too late to go back and edit now but here is what I meant to post:

    [​IMG]
     
  8. huisache

    huisache 2,500+ Posts

    Past, Present and Future walk into a bar: What was that like?

    Pretty damn Tense
     
  9. Dionysus

    Dionysus Cocky + Relaxed Admin

    If you think about it, the invention of the shovel was truly ground breaking.
     
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  10. Dionysus

    Dionysus Cocky + Relaxed Admin

    Although the invention of the vibrator created a lot of buzz too.
     
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  11. Dionysus

    Dionysus Cocky + Relaxed Admin

    Then the spoon came along and that really caused a stir.
     
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  12. Dionysus

    Dionysus Cocky + Relaxed Admin

    Sometime after that apathy was invented and by then I was like whatever.
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  13. Dionysus

    Dionysus Cocky + Relaxed Admin

    The invention of corduroy pillows really made headlines though.
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  14. Sangre Naranjada

    Sangre Naranjada Liquor Man

    Entropy isn't what it used to be.
     
  15. Sangre Naranjada

    Sangre Naranjada Liquor Man

    A Roman walks into a bar and orders a Martinus.
    "You mean a martini?", the bartender asks.
    The Roman replied, "If I wanted a double, I'd have asked for it!"
     
  16. Sangre Naranjada

    Sangre Naranjada Liquor Man

    Another Roman walks into a bar, hold up two fingers and says, "Five beers Please!"
     
  17. Dionysus

    Dionysus Cocky + Relaxed Admin

    The invention of the sword was really cutting edge technology.
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  18. Dionysus

    Dionysus Cocky + Relaxed Admin

    What if Aunt Jemima is Mrs. Butterworth and her full name is Jemima Butterworth?
     
  19. Dionysus

    Dionysus Cocky + Relaxed Admin

    A woman walks into a bar and says to the bartender “I’ll have a double entendre, please.” So he gives it to her.
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  20. VYFan

    VYFan 2,500+ Posts

    What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
     
  21. Dionysus

    Dionysus Cocky + Relaxed Admin

    Heterosexual sex and resulting pregnancy is basically a data transfer and 3d printing.
     
    • Winner Winner x 1
  22. Dionysus

    Dionysus Cocky + Relaxed Admin

    Online dating sites are the human analog to dogs sniffing each other's butt.
     
    • Winner Winner x 1
  23. Statalyzer

    Statalyzer 10,000+ Posts

    Did you hear about the egotistical cannibal who was full of himself?
     
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  24. Dionysus

    Dionysus Cocky + Relaxed Admin

    In addition to watermelon there should be windmelon, firemelon and earthmelon.

    The four elemelons.
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  25. huisache

    huisache 2,500+ Posts

    did you hear about the dyslexic who walked into a bra?
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  26. Dionysus

    Dionysus Cocky + Relaxed Admin

    Q: What do you call it when a woman is wearing a tank top and you can see some boobie through the arm hole?

    A: Sleevage.
     
  27. Dionysus

    Dionysus Cocky + Relaxed Admin

    Q: What time does Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon?

    A: Tennish
     
  28. huisache

    huisache 2,500+ Posts

    I grabbed at some fog but mist
     
  29. Dionysus

    Dionysus Cocky + Relaxed Admin

    A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

    Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.

    Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.

    Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.
     
  30. Texanne

    Texanne 5,000+ Posts

    Dionysus,

    You should be ashamed of yourself.

    Really.
     

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