jokes for yer big brain

Discussion in 'Esther's Follies' started by Dionysus, Jun 28, 2013.

  1. BevoJoe

    BevoJoe 5,000+ Posts

    Aggy Scientists announced at a press conference that they would launch a rocket from the aggy campus for a mission to land on the sun.

    One of the Reporters was quick to point out, "that's impossible! You'll burn up!"

    The lead aggy scientist shook his head and responded, "No we won't! We're going at night."
     
    • Funny Funny x 5
  2. WorsterMan

    WorsterMan 10,000+ Posts

    ^^^ Joe, I'm still :lmao:as I post this!!!
     
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    Last edited: Apr 24, 2019
  3. BevoJoe

    BevoJoe 5,000+ Posts

    One duck hunting season, an aggy decided it was time for his young son to learn how to duck hunt. "Com' on son. I'm takin' you down to the river and learn you how to duck hunt." The boy was excited to finally be included.

    Down by the river, the aggy picked a spot where the cattails and reeds had grown thick on the bank, so he and the boy sat down and waited. Soon, two duck landed in the water not more than six feet from them. The aggy whispered to the boy, "Watch me boy and I'll show you how it's done."

    The aggy jumped up and fired at the ducks, BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM! When he emptied his shotgunn, the two ducks flapped their wings and flew away. The aggy and his son stood up and watched them fly up and across the river, disappearing over the trees.

    The aggy looked down at the boy who was had a puzzled look as he stared at his aggy father. The aggy quickly removed his hat, held it over his heart and bowed his head.

    "What are you doing daddy?" the boy asked.

    "Praisin' the Lord son" he said, "'cause you done seen a miracle!"

    "How so, daddy?" Inquired the boy.

    "Because you just saw them two dead ducks get up, come back to life, and fly away!" answered the aggy.
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  4. Chop

    Chop 500+ Posts

    I hear Houston's finally diversified its economy from an oil and gas economy ...













    To a gas and oil economy.
     
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    Last edited: May 2, 2019
  5. Chop

    Chop 500+ Posts

    An expert professor on human intelligence came to town to do some interviews of people as part of his latest study. He had all the subjects take an IQ test before their interview that was instantly graded by the computer. Part of the professor's method was to discuss topics that would likely be understandable, familiar, and comfortable to each particular interviewee.

    The first person came into the professor's office. Wow, exclaimed the professor. A 155 IQ. In this interview we're going to talk about potential holes in Einstein's relativity theory and come up with some possible explanations.

    After that interview, the next person entered the professor's office. A 115 IQ. Hmmmmm, said the professor, let's talk about the impact of various religions on the political landscape.

    After that interview, the next guy came in. I see, a 90 IQ, said the professor. This interview will start out with a discussion on pro wrestling stars and truck pulls.

    Then the last interview of the morning came in. Hmmmmmmmm, an 80 IQ, said the professor, who then stuck his thumb up and loudly shouted to the interviewee: Gig Em Aggies!
     
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2019
  6. Chop

    Chop 500+ Posts

    What do you call a brilliant detective from Compton, CA?












    Sherlock Homey
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  7. Chop

    Chop 500+ Posts

    LBJ to Jackie shortly after JFK's assassination:

    "So Mrs Kennedy, other than THAT, how did you enjoy your trip to Dallas?"




    Boooooooooooooooooooo!
    Boooooooooooooooooooo!
    Hissssssssssssssssssssss!

    Yeah, I know...
     
  8. Chop

    Chop 500+ Posts

    Joe: "Donny's wife is hot. "

    Bill: "You've got to be kidding me. The only time Donny's wife is hot is when the air conditioner breaks."
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  9. Driver 8

    Driver 8 smoooove

    My girlfriend is feeling a little depressed about putting on some weight, I said don't worry babe, keep your chins up
     
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  10. The Eyes of Texas

    The Eyes of Texas 500+ Posts

    I told ten different puns to a sad friend hoping they might make him smile, but no pun in ten did.
     
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  11. Chop

    Chop 500+ Posts

    1984 Walter Mondale campaign swings into Texas.

    Mondale to Bentsen: "Surely we can rely on the unions to get out the vote for me here in Texas."

    Bentsen: "You're in Texas, Fritz. The only unions with any power or say down here are Union Carbide, Union Oil,* and Union Pacific."




    *aka UNOCAL/76
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  12. BevoJoe

    BevoJoe 5,000+ Posts

    A guy was feeling poorly, so he went to the doctor. The doctor ran several tests, then consulted with his patient.

    “The test results are in and I’m afraid it’s bad news. Unfortunately you only have 6 months to live,” the doctor said.

    “Well...hell.” said the man.

    The doctor then asked, “what do you plan to do with your time?”

    “Well, doc,” the man replied, “I’m gonna marry the ugliest woman I can find then move to Oklahoma.”

    “That won’t extend your remaining days in this life,” the puzzled doctor pointed out.

    “Yeah, I know that, doc,” the man answered, “but each day is gonna seem like a year!”
     
    • Funny Funny x 3
  13. HornHuskerDad

    HornHuskerDad 5,000+ Posts

    A guy walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, you've got to help me - I'm having a terrible problem with short-term memory."
    The doc says, "Have a seat and we'll discuss - how long have you had this problem?"
    Guys says "What problem?"
     
    • Funny Funny x 2

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