The new science teacher at the worst school in the State was trying to teach metric weight conversions to her class. Teacher: How much is a gram? Students: Depends on what you want.
What did Goldilocks say to the Queen of England? "Your tea is not too hot, and not too cold, but just right!" What did Goldilocks say to the President of the United States? "Get your filthy hands off of me and stop sniffing my hair, you pervert!!!"
Officer: "I'm giving you a ticket. This is a one-way street." Driver: "But officer, I was only driving one way..."
An aggy farmer was driving along the road with a load of cow-poo fertilizer. A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, “What’ve you got in your truck?” “Cow poo,” aggy replied. “What are you going to do with it?” asked the little boy. “Put it on strawberries,” answered aggy. “You ought to live here,” the little boy advised him. “We put sugar and cream on ours.”
On a drive in the country, a Longhorn noticed a aggy lifting a pig up to an apple tree and holding the pig there as it ate one apple after another. “Maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about,” said the Longhorn, “but if you just shook the tree so the apples fell to the ground, wouldn’t it save a lot of time?” “Time?” said aggy. “What does time matter to a pig?”
Aggy checks into a hotel for the first time in his life, and goes up to his room. Five minutes later he calls the desk and say, “You’ve given me a room with no exit. How do I leave?” The desk clerk says, “Sir, that’s absurd. Have you looked for the door?” The aggy says, ” Well, there’s one door that leads to the bathroom. There’s a second door that goes into the closet. And there’s a door I haven’t tried, but it has a ‘do not disturb’ sign on it.”
