Juvenile Humor

Discussion in 'Esther's Follies' started by Chop, Apr 10, 2019.

  1. BevoJoe

    BevoJoe 10,000+ Posts

    Q. How does an aggy do a disappearing act?

    A. Aggy bends over, puts his head by his butt and then jumps.
     
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  2. SunBurntOrange

    SunBurntOrange 500+ Posts

    Teacher is going around the classroom asking the kids to give a sentence using the word "fascinate".

    Little Suzie stands up and says "Last summer we went to NASA in Houston and was really fascinated by the space shuttle exhibits". Teachar replies "Great sentence, but you used a different version of the word. I just want the word fascinate".

    Little Bobby stands up and says "On spring break we went to Sea World and thought the killer whales were really fascinating". Teacher replies "again a great sentence, but again a different version of the word. I just want the word fascinate only".

    Little Johnny has his hand raised high for a while, but teacher knows to avoid him if possible. But with nobody else to call on, she reluctantly allows Johnny to give it a try.

    "Okay Johnny, give me a sentence using the word fascinate".

    So Johnny stands up and very proudly proclaims "My babysitter has a sweater with ten buttons on it but her tits are so big she can only fascinate"
     
    • Funny Funny x 7
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    Last edited: Aug 1, 2019
  3. Chop

    Chop 5,000+ Posts

    Q: What happens when a Longhorn marries an Aggie?

    A: Their kids are Red Raiders.
     
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  4. BevoJoe

    BevoJoe 10,000+ Posts

    Question: What does a constipated accountant do on the toilet?

    Ans: He works it out with a pencil
     
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  5. theiioftx

    theiioftx Sponsor Deputy

     
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  6. Chop

    Chop 5,000+ Posts

    He was fixin' to blow the place up.

    On occasion I use the "fixin' to" phrase with Yankees just to confuse them and get a laugh.
     
    • Funny Funny x 2
  7. Statalyzer

    Statalyzer 10,000+ Posts

    Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates."In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
    The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on."It represents a candle", he said. "You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
    The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".
    The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked,"And just what do those symbolize?" The man replied, "These are Carols."
     
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  8. theiioftx

    theiioftx Sponsor Deputy

     
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  9. BevoJoe

    BevoJoe 10,000+ Posts

    Q: What should you do if you are addicted to sea weed?

    A: Sea Kelp
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  10. mchammer

    mchammer 10,000+ Posts

    A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
    Little Larry says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest *****, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."

    The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from Little Larry, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson...

    "And how about you, Sarah?"
    "I wanna be Larry's *****!"
     
    • Funny Funny x 4
  11. BevoJoe

    BevoJoe 10,000+ Posts

    Q: How does Moses make tea?

    A: Hebrews it.
     
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  12. Sangre Naranjada

    Sangre Naranjada Winebibber

    womp womp
     
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  13. Chop

    Chop 5,000+ Posts

    What is it that makes you so sick from drinking way too much beer at the Cinco de Mayo party?


















    A Corona virus.

     
    • Like Like x 1
  14. BevoJoe

    BevoJoe 10,000+ Posts

    [​IMG]
     
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  15. mchammer

    mchammer 10,000+ Posts

    C4B924FB-12FF-4717-8B36-1B81B0157611.jpeg
     
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  16. Vino Bevo

    Vino Bevo Wine - how classy people get drunk

    Grandson goes up to grandma and says ..

    "Grandma, what's that thing called when one person lays on top of the other person in bed?"

    Grandma, ponders the age of her grandson, but finally decides that kids these days know everything so replies "it's called intercourse, and that's how you came about"

    So the grandson happily runs off.

    Later in the day, the grandson comes back and says "Grandma, Sam's mother says it's a bunk bed and she'd like a word with you"
     
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  17. Vino Bevo

    Vino Bevo Wine - how classy people get drunk

    A police officer knocks on a guy's door and when he opens it, shows him an 8x10 photo and asks "Sir, is this your wife?" The guy looks and says "Why yes it is officer."

    The cop says "Well, it looks like she's been hit by a bus" and the guy replies "Yeah, but she's got a great personality."
     
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  18. Vino Bevo

    Vino Bevo Wine - how classy people get drunk

    A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

    Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are tired and fall asleep quickly...he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

    At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

    "I have a better idea," she replies. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

    "Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaims.

    "Good," she replies. "Get your own damn blanket!"

    After a moment of silence, he farted.
     
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  19. Vino Bevo

    Vino Bevo Wine - how classy people get drunk

    Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Lowe's Building Supply when they collide.

    The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

    The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."

    The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"

    The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing very tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"

    The old guy says: "Doesn't matter. Let's look for yours."
     
    • Funny Funny x 4
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  20. Vino Bevo

    Vino Bevo Wine - how classy people get drunk

    In the ER, the doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be ok, you'll walk again and everything, but your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."

    The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You have $9,000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch."

    The man perks up. "So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five-incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out and suspicious. If you had a nine-incher before, and you decide to invest in only a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."

    The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.

    The doctor comes back the next day. "So, have you spoken with your wife?"
    "Yes I have," says the man.

    "And has she helped you make a decision?"

    "Yes," says the man.

    "What is your decision?"

    "We're going with the granite countertops."
     
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  21. Vino Bevo

    Vino Bevo Wine - how classy people get drunk

    A man received the following text from his neighbor:

    I am so sorry, Bob. I have been riddled with guilt and have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night, when you're not around. I'm not getting it at home but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't ever happen again.

    The husband, feeling anguished and betrayed, walked in his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

    A few moments later, a second text came in:

    Damn auto correct......."wifi".....not wife.
     
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  22. Vino Bevo

    Vino Bevo Wine - how classy people get drunk

    Sorry about the joke dump, but figured we could all use a funny these days (hopefully you find them so)...
     
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