Lessons for a Young Man

Discussion in 'Quackenbush's' started by txtxyeha, Oct 18, 2010.

  1. txtxyeha

    txtxyeha 250+ Posts

    My high school freshman went out to dinner with a gaggle of kids for homecoming. Some had dates, he did not. The bill came while the ladies were powdering their noses and the guys split the bill evenly. My son ended up putting two twenties in the pot b/c he didn't know: a) what his part of the bill really was, b) didn't know it was ok to pay for just his portion, and c) didn't know it was ok to ask for some change from the lot or a waiter. This was a failure on my part as his father.

    My wife and I have operated under a parenting philosophy that had the following three components:

    1) keep 'em safe,
    2) get 'em ready,
    3) we're the parents, they're the kids

    While we've had numerous conversations about love and sex, it's obviously time to begin discussing some more fun, practical things.

    We'll have him better prepared for his next sit-down dining experience. What else should be on the list? What three things should convey about romance?
  2. Perham1

    Perham1 2,500+ Posts

    Change a flat tire, check the car's oil dipstick, parallel park, how to make an omelet, how to shop in HEB, how to tie at least one basic necktie knot, how to unclog a drain....
  3. JohnnyM

    JohnnyM 2,500+ Posts

    Please for the love of all that is holy do NOT teach them to itemize a bill after a group dinner. The way that should have been handled is the charges should have been split per person rather than per guy...that way he only pays for one person and the guys with dates pay for two.
  4. Perham1

    Perham1 2,500+ Posts

    Teach him to remember the approximate cost of the menu items he ordered. Teach him how to do a quick 10% increase for tax. Then how to do a quick 15% increase for tip. If he's really agile the he can calculate the tip before the tax.

    Also, next time send him out with some 5's and 10's so he doesn't have to pony up with 20's.
  5. JohnnyM

    JohnnyM 2,500+ Posts

    It's much easier, and causes far fewer conflicts, to merely divide by the number of people. $200 bill for 10 people, including tip = $20/head. Single pays $20, couple pays $40.

    If you pass the bill around you will have people getting in fights about a couple of bucks and really, at the end of the day, it's about the meal together and having FUN and not about 2 bucks.
  6. general35

    general35 5,000+ Posts

    What three things should convey about romance?

    For a young high schooler...

    1. Be polite and respectful (if he would be embarrassed over anything he did if you found out about it, he shouldnt do it).

    2. Always display good manners and keep her safe.

    3. Don't get her pregnant.
  7. txtxyeha

    txtxyeha 250+ Posts

    On the splitting the tab front I definitely don't want him being the guy with a calculator putting in his $14.37. I'm in favor of the equal shares method a long with throwing in a couple of extra bucks to make sure the server gets what's coming to them.

    On the romance front I'm still wrestling with that one, though the three things I think I want to convey are:

    1) polite, respectful
    2) If you are going to be a big boy and do big boy things, then you need to have big boy/big girl discussions about it before hand (and not get anyone pregnant)
    3) There's always another train coming

    Need to work on my phrasing for #2.
  8. txtxyeha

    txtxyeha 250+ Posts

    ...put up a tent and cook on the grill using charcoal.
  9. TexasGolf

    TexasGolf 2,500+ Posts

    ask her parents what time she needs to be home
  10. Smurfette

    Smurfette 500+ Posts

    If a girl tells you she's had sex with one guy, assume she's had sex with at least four.

    If a boy tells you he's had sex with four girls, assume he's a virgin.

    Even if she says she's on the pill, there's a good chance she isn't. And even if she is, there's a good chance she's not taking it reliably enough for it to be effective. So, wrap it up.

    Statistically, 25% of people who've had sex with 4+ people have an STD. So, when you meet this girl who says she's only had sex with 1 guy, keep in mind she has probably had a lot more than that, and there's a 1 in four chance she's got an STD.

    Now, onto other things.... make sure he understands manners... like holding doors open and opening car doors. See if he understands that these manners apply to all women, not just the cute girl he's flirting with that day.

    Another thing-- Treat people who are helping you, such as checkers, lunch ladies, custodians, etc, with respect at all times-- Look people in the eye, call them by name, and thank them- Always remember they are human beings who deserve to be treated well and respected. Sorry about the rant, but this is something I see every day as a teacher-- these kids treat the support staff like servants. Hell, sometimes the teachers even treat them like servants. Custodians are not here to clean up after us, they are here to maintain the building. Lunch ladies should not be treated like robots who slap food on a plate. Anyway, you get treated better when you treat other people better.

    Teach him how to take a compliment. This is sometime I struggle with personally... I wish my parents had worked with me more about this.

    Teach your son to watch what other people do and analyze it. You can learn a lot about yourself and others by watching.

    And I'd like to say that, although your son got hosed on the dinner, at least the kids were polite enough to pay for the girls. Most high school kids are CHEAP, and would argue about that. It was nice i him not to ruin other people's night over a few bucks.
  11. overmaars

    overmaars 1,000+ Posts

    As it relates to dining and romance; these are three big ones my dad never taught me.

    1) Open doors for her - car door, restaurant door, etc (but don't be too eager about it)

    2) Let her order first (this way you know how much you have to spend on yourself without going over budget. If you're poor. (she'll probably just order a salad so your good)

    3) Don't wear a ******* baseball cap on a date. C'mon junior.
  12. Longhorny630

    Longhorny630 1,000+ Posts

    i wouldve thought how to pay a bill was common sense. ****, back in my high school days i wouldnt have ordered some fancy *** meal. i wouldve had the bread, not paid anything, and gotten some whataburger after the meal was over. and if i did eat, you can bet your *** i wasn't about to pay for somebody elses meal.

    make em watch 16 and pregnant if they want to have sex, and if they are "in love" have em watch teen mom. that **** will straighten them right up
  13. MaduroUTMB

    MaduroUTMB 2,500+ Posts

    I would take the opposite approach WRT the bill. He threw in more than his share in what was, in the scheme of things, a tiny expense. Being liberal in small matters among friends while exercising restraint in making more important purchases is a good model to follow. I'm not just pulling this out of my ***- it's a large discussion in the Nichomachean Ethics.
  14. Perham1

    Perham1 2,500+ Posts

    I wouldve had the bread, not paid anything....

    And when done eating your free bread would you have put your boots up on the table and belched loudly while whipping out your toothpick?
  15. TexasGolf

    TexasGolf 2,500+ Posts

    to be early is to be on time.
  16. rickysrun

    rickysrun 2,500+ Posts

    Being a parent is year upon year of trial and error, learning from mistakes or ommissions.

    1. Teach them respect. Yes sir, no sir, Yes ma'am, no ma'am
    2. Please and thank you will take you farther than you think
    3. How to estimate. Break the god damn calculator!
    4. The Eyes of Texas
  17. Hornin Hong Kong

    Hornin Hong Kong 1,000+ Posts

    "I would take the opposite approach WRT the bill. He threw in more than his share in what was, in the scheme of things, a tiny expense. Being liberal in small matters among friends while exercising restraint in making more important purchases is a good model to follow. "

    Exactly. He did fine.
  18. Bluepies

    Bluepies Guest

  19. A. BETTIK

    A. BETTIK 1,000+ Posts

    1. He needs to line up a date. That solves the mentioned overpayment problem in the classic group payment CF at the end.

    2. He needs to be reading a good book before the date arrives. Her arrival, however late, will interrupt an ongoing pleasant endeavor. Her failure to show will go unnoticed. I recommend Dan Simmons, Frank Herbert, Stephen R. Donaldson, etc.

    3. If the date does show, he needs to be the very epitome of chastity and chivalry. Eight years later, when he can pay for a wife and kids with a steady job, he can, from the position of chastity and chivalry, surprise her with quick innocuous verbal and physical forays that leave her with an amorous feeling or a racy image first and thought second.
  20. bullzak

    bullzak 500+ Posts

    Say please and thank you.

    Dont be a dick.

    Dont sweat the small stuff.

    Be a fearsome adversary and a great friend. You may even have to be that to the same person.

    Be true to your word. Every time.

    Do the right thing, especially when that really sucks.

    To me, that is being a Texan in an nutshell. You should aspire to it even if you never set foot there.
  21. NickDanger

    NickDanger 2,500+ Posts

    Parenting is proof that humans don't know what the f**k they are doing very often. I have 2 kids. They are very different. MY tactics only have negative effects on one and hers only have negative on the other. We haven't got any clues which tactics have determinably positive results. If you think you know which ones actually work, then you probably think you understand somebody like your wife or your mother or father or sister or brother.
    Let them know they are loved and help them achieve and keep options open
    . The bold part is pretty much our mantra.

    1 opinion.
  22. Longhorny630

    Longhorny630 1,000+ Posts

  23. Perham1

    Perham1 2,500+ Posts

    no, but you can be sure i would do that after i eat three times as much food for the half the price of what those suckers in the expensive restaurant paid. i

    The problem I have with your overtly rude response, in the context of the original post, is that this was a group of friends who agreed to dine out. Some had dates. Some didn't.

    To be invited, and accept the invitation, then go and eat nothign but free bread and not chip in .... If that's your goal, then do everyone a favor and decline the invitation.
  24. stina

    stina 100+ Posts

    You asked about romance. The thing I suggest teaching children will help with romance, the work place, school and finance. Teach them that they are NOT the only person on the planet. and the universe owes them NOTHING. If they can see that and keep their eyes open to the rest of the world, they will be more likely to be able to meet the needs of a partner, more likely to be able to please a boss or a client, more likely to learn in school and more likely to notice that things are going to change in the economy before they get burned.
  25. Perham1

    Perham1 2,500+ Posts

    You asked about romance.

    There's a line in "The Happy Time", an old but good movie, that has some good advice:

    Now, Bibi, we speak now of love. And where there is love, there is also desire; they go together. Love must have the desire; I don't believe there can be love without it. But, it is possible to have the desire without love, and this is where the world falls apart.
  26. Longhorny630

    Longhorny630 1,000+ Posts

    and how do you know that he wanted to go in the first place? maybe he didn't want to go but his friends made him because they wanted him there. The main premise of the entire evening was to socialize and by not attending simply because of the cost of meal or lack of date would have been more rude than to have went anyway and socialized with his friends. If the OP wasn't concerned with money then sure, throw down two parts of a bill for one part of the meal. If he is, which in this economy it's safe to assume 95% of the country is, then take my preferred cheap route.
  27. Statalyzer

    Statalyzer 10,000+ Posts

  28. txtxyeha

    txtxyeha 250+ Posts

    Thanks, everyone. The polite/courteous/non-******* comments are a given and are separate from romance. Got that one covered. I think my three things I will convey are:

    1) Do not make a priority out of someone who makes you an option (thanks, Statalyzer. Needed this one many years ago).
    2) You need to be able to talk the talk before you walk the walk, and
    3) There's always another train coming.
  29. Larry T. Spider

    Larry T. Spider 1,000+ Posts

  30. bevosayshi

    bevosayshi 250+ Posts

    Damone's rules to live by:

    Damone: "First, you never let on how much you like a girl. (To a cardboard cut-out of Debbie Harry) Oh, Debbie. Hi!"
    Damone: "Two: You always call the shots. 'Kiss me. You won't regret it!'".
    Damone: "Now, three. Act like wherever you are, that's the place to be. 'Isn't this great?'".
    Damone: "Four, when ordering food, you find out what she wants, then order for the both of you. It's a classy move. 'The lady will have the linguine in a white clam sauce and a Coke with no ice'".
    Damone: "And five, now this is the most important, when it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side 1 of 'Led Zeppelin 4'".

    I've not put this into action ever but thought some might find it useful.


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