The day started off good enough. I got up, made the coffee, sat outside with Capone and read the paper. I had invited a couple of the neighbors over to have BBQ, beer, and to bring their young’uns to swim in the pool. After coffee time, I made sure the brisket I was going to have was ready to put on the grill. I had previously slow cooked it, but it needed a little grill time to get that crisp thin flavorful outer layer. The chicken were marinated and the burgers and dogs were ready too. I iced down the beer and cold drinks, popped up the umbrellas, turned on some Patsy Cline and got ready. I had just got the BBQ fired up when a couple of the neighbors and their kids showed up. I just opened up a good cold Heineken beer when the doorbell rang. I wondered who it could be. All the invitees had arrived, except for one couple I knowed to be out-o-town. “I’ll get it!” I shouted as if Mrs. BevoJoe was gonna dash over and open the door. Hell, she ain’t dashed nowheres in a month of Sundays. “Hey Bevo! Oh hey man! You read my mind!” It was the BIL and he relieved me of my beer before I could say anything. “BIL!” I exclaimed, “What are you doing here?” “Sis told me to come over for the party. Said you had free Q, Birds and beer! Thanks for the beer. Got ‘ny more? I’ll find it.” Replied the BIL. I had just got the door closed when the bell rang again. “Now who?” I thought. “Hey there cuhzan Bevo!!” It was Cooter whose real name is Cotton. “We made it.” Behind Cooter was his wife Narlene with Bubba in tow. “Yew remember Bubba, my newphew? [How could I ever forget Bubba] “He’s just turned 12...I think. Say howdy to your cuhzan Bevo, Bubba.” Narlene instructed. Bubba was 12 but he was huge! About 5 feet tall but already weighed 200 pounds! He had these really big swim trunks, swim fins and a diving mask on, which he must of been wearin’ the whole way since it was all fogged up. “Huh-lo, cuh-dan Bevo. I’m hongry, Aint Narlene!” Said Bubba. “There’s snacks on the table in the house. More out back by the pool. Hep yer sef!” I muttered. “Gezus Krist!” I thought to myself, “a body can’t take a good DUMP around here without the whole damn clan showing up.” Just then I heard a dog barking, muffled, but still coming from in front of my house. Inside Cooter’s dualie pick-‘em-up truck was a dog. A large black lab, still a puppy but, large. I took him out of the truck and into the house. I went out back with the dog, to find Cooter. There he was dangling his feet in the water talking to BIL who was about to get in the pool. What a sight! BIL had taken off his britches and had on a speedo-type swimsuit with his tee-shirt tucked in. His beer gut hung way over the front. He had some old blue colored tennis shoes on and, of course, black dress socks. Cooter had produced a foam baseball cap with GUS’S FISH BAIT & TACKLE SHOP on it. Of Course he had a beer in hand. I was about to speak to Cooter when I heard the kiddos in the pool yelling, “YUK!”, “GROSS!”, “EEEWWWW!” and so on. I looked over to see Bubba, diving mask in place and swim fins still on his feet, but his swim trunks were pulled down around his knees and he was taking a piss in the pool!! “Here!” I handed the dog leash to Cooter and walked over to Bubba just as he was finishing his business. “Don’t forget to shake it off!” I said to him. “OH...OH Yeah. Ah fore-gott!” replied the bugwit giving his wing-ding a shake before he pulled his swim trunks back up. Narlene came up ‘bout the same time. “Bubba what do you think you’re doing!!” she snapped, while grabbing Bubba's arm. “Wull, Aint Narlene, when ah tol' ya I needed ta pee-pee ya said to go in the pool. So, ah done like you sayid, so what’s wrong?” Ahhh, the innocence of the dim witted. Narlene had one of those embarrassed like grins on her face. I just shook my head. “Ha, ha, ha! Hee, hee, hee. When ya gotta go, ya gotta go! huh Bevo!?” laughed the BIL. He was enjoying this. The neighbors and their kids were, well let’s just say, they looked less than amused. That also ended the swimming for the day. “What do I do with my dog, cuhzan Bevo?” asked Cooter. “Put him in the other yard. Capone is over there so tie him up. By the way, what’s your dog’s name?” I asked as I patted the dog’s head. “Paul.” Cooter replied. “Paul?” I asked “Yep, we wanted an unusual name.” Cooter told me. Now, here’s a group of folks with names like, Bubba, Narlene, and Cooter even though his real name is Cotton, and Paul is unusual? “Why isn’t anyone in the pool swimming?” Asked Mrs. BevoJoe as she emerged like her royal majesty from the house. “I don’t know many folks that like to swim in a septic tank,” I quipped. She sort of looked at me real funny. “I’ll let Narlene fill you in later.” She looked at Narlene who giggled like some moron. The brisket was on the grill, I’d put the chickens in too. I’d already cooked the burgers and dogs so the kids could eat. As a side note, I’ll add that Bubba ate four burgers and seven dogs. Cooter came by me again with Paul looking to tie him up. My dog, Capone was agitated, but tolerated Paul. I’d just gotten back by the pool, opened a cold Heineken beer and was about have some when I heard a loud crash and clang in the other yard, followed by dogs barking and the kids were yelling “Fire!! FIRE!! Put out the fire!!” Well, I rushed over to see Paul barking and running around the yard chasing a squirrel, followed by the BBQ grill, which was attached to his leash. Seems Cooter tied him to one of the legs of the grill instead of a tree. My grass and shrubs were on fire in spots so I handed BIL my beer, grabbed the water hose and doused the flames, which took some time. As I finished, Capone came prancing by with half a chicken in his mouth and then I saw Paul, paws on top of what was left of the brisket, having a feast. The grass was still smoking in spots and the grill had destroyed much of the back yard, especially the flowers and ivy ground cover. “Looks like all the Q and all the bird went to the dogs, Bevo. Heh, heh, heh.” observed and chuckled the BIL. Then, Cooter came over and proceeded to inform me that “Paul just hates squirrels, don’t he Narlene? He yelps and chases them around the trailer house all the time, don’t he Narlene? I didn’t know you had no squirrels back here, did I Narlene? You shoulda said sumthin’ ain’t that right Narlene?” “Ummm, hummmm, Paul does hate them squirrels for a fact cuhzan Bevo!” she added. I took my beer from BIL’s hand. It was empty. I looked at him. “BRRRRRUPP!” He belched. “Fightin’ fires is hot work Bevo.” He smiled. He’d drunk my beer. “I’ll get another.” I grumbled. “T’aint no more. That ‘un was the last.” Said BIL. “In fact they’re kinda like your neighbor friends...all gone.” I looked around. Sure enough everyone was gone. So, I got in my car, got me a bucket of fried chicken at a chicken store, a six pack of beer and had my own private celebration. It was off to the Home Depot after that. So, my Memorial Day turned into Labor Day.