Okay I can tell the story now...

Discussion in 'Esther's Follies' started by WideHorns, Dec 20, 2006.

  1. WideHorns

    WideHorns 25+ Posts

    After much deliberation, I will reluctantly tell the story of my family touring the Christmas lights in Waco last week.

    My wife told me about this thing at the beginning of December. To be honest I had forgotten all about it until the night before. I did not want to go. Call me a scrooge but riding around looking at electricity captured in colored bulbs is not my idea of entertainment. However, the kids were looking forward to it and apparently at some point I had agreed to do it.

    This little tour got us for 6 bucks a head. My wife, her parents, our 4 kids and I all went. Now I wasn’t a math major but that’s $48 to ride around in a trolley and look at lights. WTF? (I found this out the day of)

    So we drive all the way the hell to downtown Waco and sit and wait for this trolley to take us on the tour. They’ve got a tree, Santa, hot cocoa…all that ****. Finally all the trolleys roll up and Shaquandra our official Christmas lights tour guide hops out and says “Y’all goin’ to look at the lights?....(pause) Okay ‘den let’s get our roll on”

    My initial gripe is that the ***** is driving at mach speed and you can’t see **** but a blurry-*** Santa and the occasional Wal-Mart $9.99 wire light-up reindeer. My father-in-law asks if she could slow down a bit so that we could take pictures and appreciate the lights a little more..(his words not mine). By this time I’ve already leaned over and whispered in my wife’s ear “ $48 for this ****?” ….she’s gives me the obligatory elbow and “stop being like that”.

    We roll along for about 15 minutes looking at every tacky piece of **** overkill light extravaganza in East Waco. Suddenly we get on the highway and start heading to the other side of town. We ride for a good 12-15 minutes without seeing a single damn house decorated. So I lean over to the wife again and say “umm where the hell are we going?”.
    Elbow “shut up” and all that again. Shaquandra has Mariah Carey’s Christmas cd blasting and we’re just “gettin’ our roll on”. ……………………..and then it happened.

    Signs and streets started to look really familiar. My oldest daughter says “hey there’s HEB.” As in the HEB right down the road from our house (approx. 1/2 mile)
    I lean over to the wife again….”This ***** better not turn right at this light”
    What does the driver do????? That’s right folks…******* turns right and heads right to our neighborhood. Not only our neighborhood…BUT OUR ******* STREET!!
    I am just at a loss for words by this point. I cannot believe this is happening. Street after street, house after house for a good 30 minutes. The driver is going on and on about “oooh like over thurr…look at the Santa up on the roof kids”…….I know ***** …I'M THE ONE THAT ******* PUT HIS FAT *** UP THERE LAST WEEK.

    I can’t type this anymore…it’s just too painful. The point is….

    We spent almost $50 to look at the Christmas lights in our own damn neighborhood. My wife just hung her head in shame. I’ll be in charge of Christmas spirit next year thank you very much.
  2. 98HornGirl

    98HornGirl 25+ Posts

    LMAO! Please understand that I feel the strongest sympathy for you but tears are also streaming down my face from laughing so hard. Your wife owes you BIG TIME! [​IMG]
  3. 90 Grad

    90 Grad 500+ Posts

    Funny! You should have jumped out on your lawn and gone home!
  4. Traffic

    Traffic 500+ Posts

    At least you should be pleased to know that your house is on the tour route.

    Great story.
  5. Bevoette

    Bevoette 1,000+ Posts

    OMG, I've got my "laughin on" sorry for your pain but it's damn funny to us [​IMG]
    I would have gotten off at the house and told my spouse to "catch up" later after they've gotten done with their roll on, or gotten their roll off [​IMG]

    EDGAAA 100+ Posts

    funny stuff.
  7. HatDaddy

    HatDaddy 1,000+ Posts

    so friggin funny. I think I woiuld have gotten out at your house also.
    "You see dat santa ova hurrr"....HAHAHAHA!
  8. po elvis

    po elvis 250+ Posts

    consider yourself lucky. it gave you something to laugh at it and a good story you can tell for awhile. that is worth the money.

    if it would have been a tour of other neighborhoods you would have gotten nothing out of it. i would pay $$ not to go on one of those things. but then again i don't get watching fireworks either.
  9. Horneius_Maximus

    Horneius_Maximus 250+ Posts

    Man, my sympathies, that is wrong. I think you need to lay the law here on out.

    I would be pissed off.
  10. WideHorns

    WideHorns 25+ Posts

    Believe me ...when we got to our house I was tempted to stand up...pull that lil' loop "thang" and tell ghetto fabulous "ooh you can stop... and stuff... 'cuz we stay right hurr".

    Oh ************ that would've been funny. My wife would have **** her britches.
  11. bevosayshi

    bevosayshi 250+ Posts

    I would have gotten off at your house and gotten my "beer on" and proceeded to get hammered. Thanks for the laugh. I needed it. It's been hard to get in the "spirit" of the season for some reason. This helped.

  12. Anastasis

    Anastasis 1,000+ Posts

    I laughed. Hard.
  13. veggieboy

    veggieboy 500+ Posts

    I agree you should have just jumped out and went home.

    Let the rest of the family bring the car back.

    By the time they made it back, you could have already been drunk...
  14. Vibro_King

    Vibro_King 100+ Posts

    awesome! [​IMG]

    "Right, hurr!"
  15. gobears92

    gobears92 Guest

    great great story...thanks!
  16. Jive_Turkey

    Jive_Turkey 1,000+ Posts

    That is funny.

    You can't make that **** up.
  17. JohnnyBlaze

    JohnnyBlaze 100+ Posts

  18. WideHorns

    WideHorns 25+ Posts

  19. Damor

    Damor 25+ Posts

    That is allsome.

    You do realize that since you are on the "parade route" you have the opportunity to festoon your house in such a way to make any number of controversial political, social, or otherwise offensive statements, don't you?

    Or you could stick with the basic truths of Christmas -- a manger scene, Santa with his attendant reindeer, and spelling out "OU sucks" in orange lights on your front lawn.
  20. orange_pride

    orange_pride 100+ Posts

  21. HornsN04

    HornsN04 500+ Posts

    holy ****. that made my side hurt. she should have played christmas in hollis.
  22. WaywardHorn

    WaywardHorn 100+ Posts

    That was f'ing awesome... seriously, I would have stopped the car, gotten out along with everyone BUT my wife and told her to enjoy the rest of the ride. Of course, this is prob. why I WON'T be getting married any time soon... I'm just too much of a dick to care aboutthis kind of ****. God bless you for fighting through!
  23. Mrmyke709

    Mrmyke709 1,000+ Posts

    Hilarious. I would have bailed at the house and got my drink on.
  24. miguelito

    miguelito 250+ Posts

    Can you or a neighborhood association get some $$$ from these people, since they are profiting from your Santa?
  25. WideHorns

    WideHorns 25+ Posts


    GHOST HORN 100+ Posts

    that lifetime story will be worth the $48 you spent. your kids will tell their grandkids about it. [​IMG]
  27. DigglerontheHoof

    DigglerontheHoof 1,000+ Posts

  28. Bevo5

    Bevo5 1,000+ Posts

    You weren't tipped off by the continual drive-by's of trolleys in your hood all of a sudden?

    But that's some funny ****.
  29. Quadry

    Quadry 250+ Posts

    Man, that is hilarious. The beginning of the story when you have to go look at lights sounds like me every year. I hate that stuff! At least you had something extremely funny happen.
  30. numbereleven

    numbereleven 250+ Posts

    For $48, I hope you got your drink on and your snack on.

    Good stuff. I suggest a lighted sign in your yard saying "Mariah Carey sucks".

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