Texas A&M is the Michael Jackson of higher education While on a walk I was thinking about college football and current events, specifically my delight in the demise of Aggie football and a recent celebrity arrest. Then it struck me. Texas A&M is the Michael Jackson of higher education. Now I realize that I may have made many comparisons in the past with the Aggies, mostly in jest. When I say things like, “Bonfire is the College Station version of the Tower of Babel complete with the part about not being able to make any sense out of what those idiots are trying to say” I realize that is a bit of a stretch. I also know that this is not the first time the Aggies have been compared to other legendary music artists such as Milli Vanilli, Menudo, or the lesser known Dick Gargler and the Escape Goats, but this time the similarities are uncanny. Meaningless lyrics/chants combined with unique choreography and peculiar dress, high pitched yells, crotch squeezing in front of large crowds and success in the 80’s are some of the obvious similarities between the Moonwalker and the Aggies, but certainly not the only ones. Both have produced a record labeled “Bad”. Michael had his in 1987 and the Aggies recorded theirs in 2003 as well as 39 other seasons in their history. Both attempt to indoctrinate children into their way of thinking before they are old enough to know better. One has the Elephant Man; the other has the Elephant Walk. Michael Jackson built and resides in a fantasy world he created called Neverland. The Aggies have their own fantasy world they created called Aggieland. Both places are considered sacred and some sort of ideological refuge from the outside world. In Neverland one can experience interaction with exotic animals in a way you would not be able to do elsewhere. I’d say that was a match for Aggieland too, except substitute frightened livestock for exotic animals. Bubbles the chimp was treated like a VIP in Neverland. Reveille the ***** pooch is the highest-ranking officer the Corp of Cadets in Aggieland and is treated accordingly. Bubbles was cryogenically frozen after death and at least one Aggie mascot has become a pupsicle. Both Michael Jackson and Texas A&M are committed to the never-ending pursuit to become something that neither can possibly achieve. For Michael Jackson, it is to become a Caucasian woman and for A&M it is to be the flagship program in the state of Texas. When questioned about their unusual behavior and/or ideology both respond with a similar canned rant about outsiders not being able to understand. Both have been the butt of jokes for years, something they continually fail to understand. Both are losing face, one literally and one figuratively. One is famous for an event where a bunch of people were standing around watching a bundle of sticks catch on fire and burn and the other has that Bonfire thing with beer instead of Pepsi. One is associated with the wearing of a single glove encrusted with shiny stuff and the song, “Just Beat It”. The other one actually recorded that song. Is it coincidence or some freakish cult connection? Stan the Hornmonger
Please tell me the ending is the same for both....criminal allegations proven to be true, forced into exhile/prison, and utter contempt/disgust by the masses at the mere mention of their name.
Both enjoy sexual relations with non-consenting individuals - one with kids and the other with sheep.
Lisa Marie Presley left Nicolas Cage to have a freaky marriage to Michael Jackson. Instead of making him seem more like a normal male, it resulted in some of the worst publicity of his career and underscored how bizarrely comical he really was. Dennis Franchione left Alabama to have a freaky marriage to Aggy. Instead of making Aggy seem more like a football powerhouse, it resulted in the single worst loss Aggy ever endured and only underscored how pathetic Aggy really is.
Michael Jackson proved in a Pepsi Commercial that you shouldn't play with fire. Like Michael, A&M tries to be as white as possible.
I agree that the connections between Michael Jackson and Aggie are eerie. But it's common knowledge that Jackson pulls for Brigham Young.
Thanks for all the comments and contributions, my burnt orange friends. Happy Thanksgivings and Hook'em Horns! Stan
stan: a great ******* post. but, i have a serious question for you. were you stoned to the beejeezus when you thunk this up?
Stan is the Man! I believe Aggie Jackson will be on the sidelines on Friday! But the Jackson 5 won't be able to help the AGGIES with their 12th men!!! HOOKEM HIGH, LIKE AN EAGLE SOARS!!!
"In Neverland one can experience interaction with exotic animals in a way you would not be able to do elsewhere." Does your example of "exotic animals" include Michael himself?
