When In-laws Attack

Discussion in 'Cactus Cafe' started by BevoJoe, Sep 13, 2021.

  1. BevoJoe

    BevoJoe 10,000+ Posts

    Earlier, I was sitting in my office here at home when the phone rang. Didn't recognize the number but I answered;

    ME: Law office.

    Voice: WOOOOHOOOO we beat y'all, we beat y'all bad!! YEAH!!

    ME: Who is this?

    Voice: It's me! Yore cuh-zan Tawmee. HOGS WOOOON!

    Me: I don't have a cousin named Tommy.

    Voice: Yea yew do. I'm yo wife's cuh-zan.

    Me: Never heard of any of her cousins named Tommy. Never saw or met you at any of the family reunions.

    Voice: Well, naw. Me and my wife don't go to none of them family to-dos.

    ME: Well,....Tommy,...are you a graduate of the University of Arkansas?

    Voice: Naw, I never gra-de-ated from no college.

    Me: Did you attend Arkansas for a while?

    Voice: Naw, naw. Never 'tended no college. Didn't gra-di-ate no high skoo neither.

    Me: Hmmmm. Imagine that. . .Just a random fan, right?

    Voice: I AIN'T DUMB!!

    Me: Well that's debatable, Tommy.

    Voice: Ok. I accept yore a-palor-geye-zy.

    Me: That wasn't an apology, Tommy.

    Voice: Well......ok then.

    Me: So, do you have a job?

    Voice: I sho-wer do! Assistant to the assistant janitor ov' at the grade skoo in town. I carry them trash cans out yunder to the burn pile dump 'em out and lite them on far. I watch it until the far goes out, too.

    ME: Hunh! Imagine that . . . Well, look at the time. I have an important meeting coming up in April. I can't tell you how much I appreciate you calling and taking up my valuable time like this, but I have to go now.

    Voice: Well, ok then. Yore a good person. I'll call you again some time.

    Me: Feel free to leave a message. Bye!
    • Funny Funny x 2
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2021
  2. SabreHorn

    SabreHorn 10,000+ Posts

    I thought it was either MY cousin Billy Jack or Bobby Lee until he got to the part about having a job. You know the biggest employer in Western Arkansas is called "Workers Comp", but that can take so long that you need your wife to have a good job at the Tyson plant.

    Fortunately for the family, Billy Jack, Jr got his Workers Comp claim and bought five acres with a double wide. Bobby Lee, Jr is still waiting on his, but he told me his wife got a promotion & raise to $7.67/hr at Tyson

    Folks, this is not posted to be humorous, it is real as a heart attack.
    • Funny Funny x 4
  3. WorsterMan

    WorsterMan 10,000+ Posts

    You had me at this....

    As I red yer post Joe, I could here da' guitar ah strummin' the tune from the movie Deliverance in the background.
    • Funny Funny x 1
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2021

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