Earlier, I was sitting in my office here at home when the phone rang. Didn't recognize the number but I answered; ME: Law office. Voice: WOOOOHOOOO we beat y'all, we beat y'all bad!! YEAH!! ME: Who is this? Voice: It's me! Yore cuh-zan Tawmee. HOGS WOOOON! Me: I don't have a cousin named Tommy. Voice: Yea yew do. I'm yo wife's cuh-zan. Me: Never heard of any of her cousins named Tommy. Never saw or met you at any of the family reunions. Voice: Well, naw. Me and my wife don't go to none of them family to-dos. ME: Well,....Tommy,...are you a graduate of the University of Arkansas? Voice: Naw, I never gra-de-ated from no college. Me: Did you attend Arkansas for a while? Voice: Naw, naw. Never 'tended no college. Didn't gra-di-ate no high skoo neither. Me: Hmmmm. Imagine that. . .Just a random fan, right? Voice: I AIN'T DUMB!! Me: Well that's debatable, Tommy. Voice: Ok. I accept yore a-palor-geye-zy. Me: That wasn't an apology, Tommy. Voice: Well......ok then. Me: So, do you have a job? Voice: I sho-wer do! Assistant to the assistant janitor ov' at the grade skoo in town. I carry them trash cans out yunder to the burn pile dump 'em out and lite them on far. I watch it until the far goes out, too. ME: Hunh! Imagine that . . . Well, look at the time. I have an important meeting coming up in April. I can't tell you how much I appreciate you calling and taking up my valuable time like this, but I have to go now. Voice: Well, ok then. Yore a good person. I'll call you again some time. Me: Feel free to leave a message. Bye!