these words will probably stick with me for the rest of my life. this morning, i woke up with my alarm and jumped in the shower, as usual. as i turned off the water, i predictably heard my son exclaim downstairs. he wasn't exclaiming much of anything, just a general barbaric yawp. then i hear another sound, unlike anything i've ever really heard in my house. my wife was sobbing. i slapped on the towel and ran downstairs, though i knew immediately what the sobbing meant. her grandfather was gone. *** last weekend we were visiting henry in the icu of south austin hospital. babies are not allowed in the icu, but we kept hayden (my son's name is my middle name, which also coincides with my screenname) in the waiting room. i remember seeing him. he had just finished his lunch. i walked in, and he greeted me with a weak, yet healthy, friendly smile. "juanito!", his customary greeting for me. he held up his hand and shook mine. on the tip of his finger was a heart monitor. we traded a few jibes - he was in good spirits. he was back in the hospital because he had a seizure the night before. the doctors were not sure what had caused the seizure. essentially it had apparently looked like his heart had stopped, as he was lying in his bed gurgling. his son in law popped him one in the chest and his gurgling stopped, and he stopped seizing. maybe it was cardiac arrest, maybe not, but he had to go to the hospital. so he lay in the hospital bed and asked about my son, his great-grandson. i tell him that hayden is fine, and then turn the conversation back to him. *** i take my wife in my arms, and she sobs for awhile. she tells me that he will be in the room for at least the next hour, and that we need to hurry. immediately, i know i need to call into work, but the office won't open for another 35 minutes. i was planning on accepting a promotion offered yesterday this morning. but family calls, and there is no question. i get dressed, we pack up the kid, and we are on the road to the hospital. *** hospitals were nothing new for henry. he had his first open heart surgery 20 years ago. he had lived a hard life. he suffered from hardcore alcoholism, and he lost a kidney as a result. yet, he recovered, in a way that my father never did, and he perservered. he kept himself busy, gardening, cooking for his wife, and chatting with neighbors. but the specter of his past always haunted him. he developed diabetes. his heart suffered, and he had a defib installed. he grew older, but his love for his family did not diminish. and he lay in a hospital bed asking me about my son, with seemingly not a care in the world as to his own condition. then i asked him how he was doing. he answered, "i'm doing alright. they had to spread that gel on my chest and hit me earlier today. i came about this high off the bed." it occurs to me that he got hit with the "clear!" paddles made so famous by television medical dramas. he then looked me in the eye, and said, "when they hit me, it felt like a big hole. i was pulled out of a big hole, and the machines stopped making so much noise." i will likely never forget that. ever. *** we arrive at south austin, and immediately run to the third floor. i stay with my son in the small waiting area while my wife goes to the room where her grandmother, mother, and deceased grandfather were. my son and i watch the pope in nationals stadium. my son is particularly taken with the music, and i wonder why i decided to come home last night instead of coming to the hospital to see henry finally see my son after they moved him from ICU to a regular room. it probably had something to do with the fact that i had just been offered a promotion out of the blue ether, and i wanted to talk to my mother about it, and any else that would listen. i was too excited to visit the hospital. after all, they had moved henry to a more regular room, and he was responding well to his new oral medication. *** on monday they discovered that it was the dialysis that was causing his heart problems. at that point it became a dialysis with heart problems or heart medication vs kidney problems choice. however, they were going to put him on an oral medication and see how that did. we visited monday night. again, he was still in ICU. he was watching a movie. i went back with my wife, as her mother was watching hayden. he grinned when he saw us. he was in good spirits, as usual, though he was into his movie. i think it was ivanhoe. we traded pleasantries. i left. the next day, they were moving him to a regular room. babies were allowed in the regular rooms. my wife was taking hayden to see him. all he could talk about was hayden. *** my wife comes back out of the room, and she had clearly been crying. it was my turn. i hand hayden to her, and go to the room. death is not new to me. i watched my father breathe his last in a hospice room. i have seen a body lie there in a hospital bed, mouth slightly ajar, eyes closed, looking as though a mere shake might awaken them. but i've not seen a broken widow cradling the face of the deceased, her husband of 60 years, her grief etched plainly into the wrinkles on her face and the tears running down her cheeks as she tried to say good bye to her most loved one. i just stood back respectfully and waited for her to allow the wave of grief to ebb. the only other person in the room was my sister in law, but neither of us were related by blood. we were both married to her grandchildren via the same daughter. as i waited, i was overcome by the emotion. tears stung my eyes. what can that possibly be like? finally, the wave of grief does calm, and she sits in her chair weeping silently. i walk around and touch her shoulder, and she sees me. "m'hito!" she says in a broken voice and buries her face into my neck sobbing uncontrollably. i hold her tightly for maybe five minutes while she tries to bury her grief into my neck. tears are running down my face. i don't know what to do except hold her head with my hands. she and i have always been kind of close. i was the first person to marry one of her grandchildren. *** i decided to go straight home as opposed to go to the hospital to see henry. i had just been offered a promotion, and i wanted to share the good news. after all, henry was just moved to a more regular room, and surely he'd be there tomorrow, right? i call all my friends and tell them of my unexpected good fortune. i have a few beers. my wife comes home, talking about how much her grandfather enjoyed seeing his great-grandchild walking around the room. i tell her about my good fortune, and the story of henry is temporarily forgotten. until i step out of the shower the next day and hear my wife sobbing. *** after i step outside of the room, my wife's mother takes me aside and tells me that her mother had a dream the night prior that henry called to her. he needed to see her. she did not go, she could not. it was early in the morning. about 15 minutes later, the hospital called her and told her that her husband had another "episode" and that she should come quickly. they are right around the corner from south austin. they rush there, mother and daughter who live together in a duplex, and they are 15 minutes too late. the body is still warm, but it is a body, not a somebody. marcella doesn't care. it's her husband and she kisses him and she hugs him and she lays next to him. 60 years. 60 ******* years. how can you say goodbye to that? another thing my mother in law tells me is that after every one of his four kids visited him on sunday, henry said "ok, all i need to do now is see hayden." she told him that kids weren't allowed in the icu. he said that he just wanted to see hayden. he got to see hayden last night. andhe died this morning. i can't help but think that he was waiting to see the joy of a child one last time. i can't help but think that he knew his end was near, and that he just wanted to see a guileless smile before he crossed over. rest in peace henry. a wonderful husband. a wonderful grandfather. a wonderful great grandfather. a veteran. a wonderful man, who saw the best in everything. would that we could all face life with such aplomb.
Beautifully written, Hayden. Peaceful thoughts to your entire family. My grandparents (dad's parents) are both alive but their health is steadily declining. They're 89 & 86. Been married 62 years now. I don't know how my wife has put up with me for 6 years some times. Six decades...
My condolences, Hayden, and send them to Mrs. Hayden as well. Losing a loved one that you looked up to is always difficult. Personally I believe I will be much like he was. I know that when I'm old, hopefully I get that far, I will want to be around the young children and babies as much as possible. Babies aren't just cute and perfect as they haven't had time to mess up yet, they also represent what may be the most important human emotion: hope. And I think that knowing there is hope for the future will be important to me as I prepare to leave this world. Just as it seems like it was important to him.
I don't know if I'm lucky or unlucky but I've never had to deal with the loss of someone that I truly loved. The lucky part is that my parents,siblings, wife and kids are still with me. The unlucky part is that I never had a special relationship with my grandparents. Both my parents are the youngest of big families and all my grandparents were all born in the 1800s. Three of them were alive when I was born ('70) but they were old and I really only got to see them once a year or so because we lived overseas until I was four. My dad had to make me kiss my grandmother because I was scared of her because of her appearance (something that I feel guilty about to this day). They were all gone by the time I was nine. While I feel great sympathy for your wife in losing her grandfather, I 'm also jealous of the speacial relationship she had with him. I know here memories of happy times with him will soon overpower the grief she is feeling now. I'll say a prayer tonight for your family and all who loved and will miss your wife's grandfather. RR
I'm sorry for your family's loss. That was an awesome story. He sounds like a great man and I'm glad he got to see your son one last time. Prayers.
WOW, such a heartfelt tribute to someone that seems to have been a wonderful person... condolences to your wife's family and you... will send up some prayers and positive thoughts for y'all
i was stuck on the damn runway in chicago when my grandfather died. he tried to wait for me to get there, but the ******* weather and traffic at O'Hare made it so that I couldn't get there in time. He died while I was sitting on a runway. we could have driven from Chicago to Indiana before we got off that runway. he died while i was on a runway. sleeping on a plane. Seeing Hayden made Henry a happy man. I know it did. Rest In Peace, indeed. i hate O'Hare. I always will.
you are a good man, and it sound like you married into a good family. your tribute is warming and the tapestry of his life is what we all hope for. thanks for sharing.
Good god, dude. I wasn't expecting that when I opened this thread. Thanks for sharing and condolences to your family. I think was a fitting tribute.
Sorry for your loss Hayden. Thank you for posting about it though. Heartfelt condolences to you and your entire family.
Save the text of this post Hayden_Horn. Several weeks or months from now, when you have the time, you need to find a way to get this essay published. I don't know if that's your thing or not. In any event, this should be published and shared with many. It was beautiful.
“Grief drives men into habits of serious reflection, sharpens the understanding, and softens the heart” -- John Adams My condolences to you, your wife, and your extended family.
Hayden, I'm awed that you shared that. We're going down to California next weekend for my grandfather's 80th birthday. He's met both my girls but hasn't gotten to spend a ton of time with them and I wish he could. My grandfather is the man I wish I could be. He always has the biggest grin on his face. He's positive without being over bearing or fake. And he has the firmest handshake I've ever felt. So when the day comes that he's no longer in this world, I can only hope that some of his extraordinary qualities rubbed off on me, and hence to my children. Henry rubbed off on you. Now, little Hayden will grab a little of that from you and Henry will always be with both of you.
