Since the WB came up again, I thought you might enjoy some of this history lesson. "This column may prove hazardous to your virtues. It's rated Quadruple X and is so racy, it makes Deep Throat look like a documentary on dentistry. Nobody should read this column, even if accompanied by an adult. At the risk of offending any good-two-shoes, grandmothers and Pat Boone, herewith is the real story of the Wild Bunch, those malevolent, adolescent and heck-bent baseball fans that abuse anything on two legs, make that anything that breathes at Disch-Falk Field. They number anywhere from five to 35 depending on how many are out on parole and they reside on the first base side, surprisingly not wearing raincoats. The thing that holds them together is they don't like anybody, even themselves. 'We're horrible,' they say. They first came to reporter's attention (how do you ignore locusts?) by hepping coaches out to the mound to make pitching changes. Hepping is yelling in unison, 'hep-hep-hep' for each step the coach takes. I never said these guys were brilliant. When it was first mentioned I should interview these characters, I figured it was about as safe as the Avon lady in the Boston Strangler's neighborhood. Some of their better stunts are: (1) humming the Mexican hat dance for first base coach Martin Flores; (2) toasting ex-Regent Frank Erwin in the bottom of the fifth - inning that is; (3) scribbling obscene messages on foul balls (yes, one of them can write, the check forger.) and addresing them to umpires John Mazur and John Bible; (4) going 'cheap, cheap, cheap' for every lucky Keith Moreland hit. They don't like their name, the Wild Bunch, naturally and prefer to be called the (Bleep) Offs, wanting it printed in 96-point banner. Asked for an alternate name, they came up with the (bleep) Ons. About the Longhorns, the Wild Bunch, which wants to be known as the Rags or Ragmouths, thinks Flores 'is a stud. He's cool and got it together. Jim Gideon's too much of a snob, Mickey Reichenbach's a stoneface, and (220 lb) Marty Zolkoski's hungry.' Which brings us to the WB's goals. (1) We'd like to see how may Big Mac's Zolkowski could eat in a row.(2) Get Texas coach Cliff Gustafson a raise, (3) Trade coach Bill Bethea for a real old windmill, (3) Lower the price of cokes from 40 cents. (4) Forget the cokes and get beer in the stadium. (5) Put a cliff in Disch-Falk (6) 'Couldn't you just get us some women?' Bethea actually likes the WF saying, 'You've got to have intelligence to come up with a line like "you're so ugly as a kid, your mom had to tie a pork chop around you neck to get the dog to play with you." That and "You're so ugly, your mother fed you with a slingshot." The WB has always riden official scorer George Breazele, whom the WB accused of "adopting Moreland," but Breazy just calls the WB living testimony for ZPG - Zero Population Growth. On that subject, the WB asked sportscaster Steve Ross why he wouldn't interview one of them. Ross replied that he would if he could find a WB member who was literate enough. "What do you mean were illiterate?" one said, "I have a father and a mother." But it's a good bet each is an only child. To be a member of the group, Breazy says, "You have to have your picture on a post office wall." For all their no-no's, Gustafson says, "They'll probably resent me for saying this, but they've got more class than most hardnosed bench jockeys." That's OK Gus. They can't read anyway. "We can't read maybe," one said, "but you can't write. You're horrible." BTW this was written by Kirk Bohls in May of 1975.
There is no such thing as the Wild Bunch. Otherwise, by now it would be the Taco Bell American-Statesman Enron Wild Bunch presented by AT&T, and Section 2 would have been converted to an airtight field box that would be vacant for every game.
As one of the interviewees that day, all I can say is that although I never dreamed I'd still be attending games 27 years after that interview; I'm NOT surprised Kirk Bohls still works for the Austin rag...and whatever DID happen to Marty Zolkowski???... I know, maybe he works at Krispy Kreme eating all the donuts Morgan tries to sell!!!
