I've seen a lot of stupid things in bars over the years, but the funniest thing I ever saw was several years ago in the old Cadillac Bar in Nuevo Laredo. This HS kid's face quite literally turned green after downing a shot of Mezcal - with the worm. He was the youngest of a bunch of HS football players (they all had their letter jackets on of course...) that had come over the border to party and he couldn't have been more than 14 or 15. Funniest damn thing I ever saw.
Me trying to pick up 3 women at the same time. I leaned back to rest my arm on the bar, missed it, and fell down. By the time I got up and collected myself... I was standing there all alone.
I was at a dive bar in Galveston when I was about 27. I was pushing a lime into my Dos Equis at the bar and apparently, some juicy mist got on this pimply, ****-sniffing redneck kid about 20 years old and all of 5' 5", 120 pounds. He turns to me, looks up and says in all seriousness, "I think you and me need to step outside."
One night in Denver, the bar was closing. I was outside the front door, when 3 "ladies" walked out. They were obvious transvestites, but had great boob jobs. I told the "ladies" I was having a party at my house. Well, I got them in my car, and drove to the place I shared with my roomie and his girl. I woke my friend up, and told him I had some hot chicks that needed some, well, you know. So, he gets up, and goes in my room, it is dark, and he makes out with one of the "ladies" for about 5 minutes. Then, I hear, "WHAT THE HELL!" from my room. His girlfriend wakes up, craziness ensues. I laughed until I cried. I even laughed when I wrote this thnking about it. I had to pay for a cab for the "ladies". My friend and the girl he was with are now married with 3 children. Hey, what can I say, I'm a matchmaker.
Sitting in the Poodle Dog with a black guy, indian guy, and hispanic girl and some regular drunk at the bar standing up to do the sieg heil and falling over on his ***. He was then thrown out by the tough *** bartender broad.
A group of us was at Lake Texoma for the weekend & decided to hit a local **** hole in that area called The Broken Bit. It was basically a drunk indian bar w/ a few pool tables & a jukebox and stained glasses to drink out of. Anyways, there was an indian that had to weigh 450 w/ holes in his shirt guzzling probably 3 beers at a time. A white dude who was pretty big himself was playing pool w/ a group of his friends & you could just tell there was tension between the 2 groups. We stayed for about 2 beers & decided this probably wasn't the place to be when the white guy started mouthing off to the big indians brother/friend or someone like thats when the big indian grumbled something. The big white guy kinda tossed his pool stick don on the table & literally tip toed in an angle full speed hand cocked back from about 5 yards away & totally hit the big indian w/ a Tyson blow right between the eyes. The big indian absolutely didn't moved & just blinked a couple of times & then smile & reached down & picked up the big white guy over his head & walked him out of the bar arms extended & threw him in just outside the porch on the gravel & stared at him until he got up & left. We got the f**k out of there but laughed about it in the truck.
I had a similar experience to a couple of posters above. A bunch of us went to Nuevo Laredo in the mid-90's. One of the guys is this burly, cave-man lawyer looking guy that could never, ever get any women in the real world. In addition to his looks, he was kind of a dick anyways. So, we get to this one bar and he gets hit on by a "chick." He was drunk AND dumb and decides to go with her. Now, I wasn't paying too much attention because I probably would have told him that he was with a dude. After he left with the hooker with an Adam's apple, all the guys start cracking up and tell me what has happened. I consider hunting him down but, as anyone that has been there knows, you don't leave the bar area. He comes back a few minutes later with a "I just got my first bj" smile on his face. Everybody's rolling on the floor. Someone finally tells him. The look of contentment turning to complete horror was priceless. For the rest of the night, he decided he was going to pick fights with everyone there -- I guess to prove his manhood. Not sure that I blame him other than the fact that anyone who hooks up with a hooker from Mexico may deserve bad karma.
hugeass listeater type girl table dancing and showing off her thong to anyone that would pay attention. Karma ensued--- Table broke I laughed my *** off for months and just did again at 9:30 in the morning.
Most of mine involve Mexico. We would sometimes go to Boystown in Nuevo Laredo to see if anyone would do something stupid. I never partook of the particular services that were available there, but sometimes some of the people I was there with did. There is a bar there called Dallas Cowboys. It's a transvestite bar that we would go into to see if any of the idoits in our group were too stupid or drunk to tell the difference. There was a guy in our group that was pretty much an obnoxious dick. He was the brow-ridge type discussed a couple of posts above. We paid the guy that walks around with the machine that delivers electric current through each handle to shock the crap out of him. Then we paid a transvestite that was the manliest one in the place to make out with him. "She sat on his lap at the table and made out with him like he had swallowed gold and "she" was a miner trying to get it out. "She" also felt him up and he put his hands under "her" shirt. It was hysterical and we never stopped ragging on him for it. Nuevo Laredo, same guy We went down to a bar that had prostitutes working in it. First bar we went into he starts talking to one. He comes back and asks if he can borrow a couple of dollars. He then goes off with her and comes back in a few minutes bragging that he got a bj. It turns out he payed her $13 and 4 of it was his laundry money for the week in change. He then had no money to drink the entire rest of the night. We always ragged on him for his bj he payed $13 for with 4 of it in change.
I saw a dude get his arm stuck in the pocket of pool table. Bartender decided to call Fire/EMS - who else do you call? After about 20 minutes they came in laughed a bit and proceeded to take the pool table apart with drills
Swear on my life this is true: Ashley Franchione dancing on a table on Mardi Gras 2001 @ Razzoo's on Bryant Irvin in FW right after her dad left TCU to go to Alabama. She was underage at the time & was a waitress there, but wasn't working that night. In the middle of her drunk dancing, she decided it would be a good time to pull her pants down, it being Mardi Gras & all. She fell off the ******* Razzoo's dinner table with her pants around her ankles. I would have given a large sum of money for camera phones to have been as prevalent back then as they are now.
My story is that a friend of mine pissed in a 16 oz. beer mug and played it off as beer. It was kind of yellow and I suppose it looked like beer, but a couple of people drank out of it (not me, because I saw him do it). I didn't think it was a very cool prank. It was funny sort of, but I didn't think it was cool.
It's funny now but at the time, it was about the grossest and most unique thing I have ever seen. I was friends with the bar owner at a club that included many rock bands on the weekends. After closing, we would usually help the bands break down, clean up, and call for taxis for anyone we found that had not made it home..lol. Then we'd either hang out there or go find an open restaurant and have breakfast-whatever. Anyway, there was this woman just leaning and rambling all sexy on the main bar and we were waiting for her taxi when she decides to look up at the ceiling, do some sort of pirouette dance with her arms slowly flapping, and projectile vomit in an upwards arc. It was like a rainbow of vomit crashing over onto the bar..there were several of us running for our lives and it just kept coming. It was awful. Later we would laugh about the expressions of horror and disgust on people's faces as Linda Blair's twin was producing her spectacular biological offerings for the bar gods.
Embarrased that I was there, but we were in Denim and Diamonds in Temple, Tx. This guy and girl were arguing. She was right in his face screaming her *** off and poking him in the chest. He reached back onto the bar and grabs a beer. As she is right in his face, she doesn't see him grab it. He dumps it right on top of her head. She steps back and is wiping beer off her face...everyone is laughing and then she lunges at him and throws a superman punch. This guys nose just explodes and is bleeding all over the place. The best part was the absolute silence for about 5 seconds in the general area after she hit him.
I was at a ****** little titty bar near Waco, and the girls would walk along the edge of the stage. There was a drunk up on "pervert row" that had run out of dollar bills, but apparently had a shitload of loose change. Everytime one of the girls would stroll by, he would try to stuff quarters, dimes, and nickles into their shoes.
Before he became "Marilyn Manson", I used to see Brian Warner dating with the most beautiful girls imaginable down @ The Reunion Room in Fort Lauderdale. I have no clue what his magic potion was - he's equally wierd looking even without the makeup. It certainly wasn't money because he was just this average dude, albeit skinny as a stick of hay.
I saw one drunk bet another drunk that he couldn't light his zippo off of his forehead. I don't even remember what they bet... but the guy starts going after it. He's scraping this lighter off his head over and over, and finally does it so hard that he starts to bleed profusely. His "friend" is laughing hysterically, turns to me and whispers,"It's out of fluid."
I was at the Crosseyed Seagull in San Antonio. Nice little place. Has a tropical theme to it. My buddies and I are sitting there having a beer when we notice a guy sitting all by himself next to the jukebox. He looks like an 80's business man. Black suit pants, black shoes, black belt, baby blue shirt with a "power tie," a full beard about 1/4 inch in length, and long hair in a pony tail that goes down to in between his shoulders. Said man just sat there looking sullen. Dude looks really drunk. My friends and I were in the middle of a conversation about him when all of a sudden Panama starts blaring out of the jukebox. Dude starts banging his head to the beat and then jumps off of his stool and starts kicking and flailing to the beat. We all watched in stun silence until he took a couple steps back, ran forward, then did a power slide across the floor. We all start laughing when he then proceeds to be on one knee, head banging and fist pumping to the beat. He then proceeds to dance around the bar until Panama is over. He then returns to his stool and goes back to being sullen. Next round of drinks, I ask the bartender about him. She tells me he is a regular and does that to all van halen songs. That was last year, so I wonder if he still goes there.
I've seen many funny things. Most of them involve dance-offs between drunk white dudes. One of the funniest things that I have ever seen is my friend, who's a pretty laid back guy, arguing with an APD guy, drunk as ****, in a British accent, about a pizza that some girl knocked out of his hand.
2 Stories.... At a bar at Lake Havasu that had a big outdoor area with a pool. We were sitting at a table next to the pool when some drunk dude came and sat with us randomly without saying a word. When we asked what he was doing at our table, he replied that there were way too many douchebags in the bar and he was going to push the next one that walked by into the pool. Sure enough, the next guy that walked by looked almost exactly like (same clothes)... except about 15 pounds lighter and much more hair gel. He definitely had that "douche" walk about him. Guy shoves him in pool. Guy gets out ready to fight over his messed up hair, then realizes he weighed about 120 and kept walking. At Shakespeare's on 6th on a particularly busy night. Back then they just had the 2 bathrooms in the same hall and of course there was a long line for both. The guy's line takes forever and when I get in I find out why. Some poor bastard had a terrible case of explosive diarrhea, complete with loud noises, red face and sweat. The guy's bathroom was just a small room with a urinal and a toilet and no stall. It was disgusting. The guy was definitely embarrassed. Of course on the way out I pick out 4 girls in line for the girl's bathroom and re-route them into the guy's bathroom. There was some loud laughter and the girl's ran out holding their noses.
