How do you ask a woman out on a date?

Discussion in 'Esther's Follies' started by Punt on 1st Down, Jul 15, 2007.

  1. Punt on 1st Down

    Punt on 1st Down 100+ Posts

    A little background -- I was married at a young age for 7 years and then I was in a relationship with someone else for 6 years, so I've been out of the dating scene for a while ... obviously.

    So, there's someone I like ... and I'm not sure what to do.

    I suppose the obvious answer is that I should just ask her if she'd like to spend a couple of hours with me some evening.

    I guess I need to get my cojones in order.

    The thing is. I don't want to go have drinks and I don't want to do the bar scene. That's really not what I like to do anymore.

    I'll listen to music, Blues on the Green, if they're still doing that, and I always liked Shakespeare in the Park but I'm not sure if they're doing that anymore.

    What I'd really like to do with her is simply walk around Town Lake (Lady Bird Lake) with her for about 40 minutes and just chat.

    Or, maybe walk up and down South Congress and poke our noses into the various shops for a while.

    Or, maybe ride bikes for about an hour. I have 3 bikes. If she doesn't have a bike I'd let her ride my 18-speed Specialized mountain bike and I would ride one of my old cruisers.

    Anyway, I'm going to relax today and then on Monday I suppose I'll talk to her and throw my dice in the wind and get rejected or not.

    Hmm, just thoughts.
  2. rtchorn

    rtchorn 250+ Posts

    From experience, I know it always seems hard to ask a woman out, but actually doing it is very easy. Just ask her if she'd like to go to dinner some time. If dinner works out, then you can go have drinks some where casual like Shoal Creek or something. If you're totally opposed to drinks, you can try the walk around Town Lake, but I've got to say that seems more like a third or fourth date type of thing. Who knows though, maybe it will work for you.
  3. Macanudo

    Macanudo 2,500+ Posts

    You just gotta do it. Whatever you want to plan, just flat out ask.

  5. Punt on 1st Down

    Punt on 1st Down 100+ Posts

    Well, I figured I was going to get a lot of **** for this post.
  6. MisplacedHorn

    MisplacedHorn 25+ Posts

    Rejection suck, but don't let it intimidate you. The hardest part about asking a woman out, at least for me, is raising the courage to actually do it.
  7. not the post... just that line.

    the bike idea is a good one.

    my advice... seeing as how i'm a dating expert.. and as someone already mentioned

    ask her if she is interested in going out to eat and then seeing a concert. movie and show is always perfect. i don't know what this girl is like, so you'll have to be the judge of what kind of music she'd be interested. the park is always fun just remember that it'll probably be muggy and sweaty etc.. etc...

    chicks dig confidence but not conceit. don't try to impress her. be yourself. yada yada... don't talk about past relationships.. she'll probably bring it up because girls do that. just keep it short and sweet.

    if y'all go out... don't wear black shoes with a buckle and no shiny shirts.
  8. Punt on 1st Down

    Punt on 1st Down 100+ Posts

  9. PipFunatUT

    PipFunatUT 500+ Posts

    the walking and riding is good, just not on a first date man... try something simple for the first... im still in college, (so take this with a grain of salt) but i find asking a girl to go to taco express on a sundy for the hippie church is a nice ice breaker first date with out going all out... its cheep and innocent seeming... its been gold for me so far brother...

    edit:: best of luck man fyi
  10. Bookman

    Bookman 1,000+ Posts

    Take a couple shots of tequila.
  11. badexcuse

    badexcuse 1,000+ Posts

    Come on now - it's really as easy as telling her you would like to spend a little time to get to know her better, and ASK HER what HER interests are. Surely she'll mention something she enjoys, and if not, throw some of your suggestions out there and let her decide.
  12. KaiserSoze

    KaiserSoze 250+ Posts

    Blues on the Green is a great setting for a date in that you can chill out and have a few drinks while listening to some music in a fun atmosphere. It's also good because it's not too loud to talk, etc. so you can get to know each other better.

    And as badexcuse said, definitely find out about her interests.

    If she's fairly laid back then I'd put Blues on the Green at the top of the list... so long as you're sure she'll be ok with it now that the evenings are getting hot.

    There are 4 shows left of Blues on the Green. It's usually every other Wednesday, but because of rain a few weeks ago there are actually shows for the next 2 weeks in a row.

    Similarly along those lines, there's also Unplugged at the Grove every Thursday at Shady Grove.

    As for the actual asking out, most of the time it can be a total breeze-- especially if you know some of her interests. How long have you known her? Is she someone you've had a few conversations with in the past? If so then even easier. If you want to ease into it just start a conversation about Town Lake... that you were there over t he weekend... how full it is, renaming it Lady Bird Lake (are they doing that? ...saw it in your post), or something else simple... steer it toward Zilker, mention something about how they're still doing Blues on the Green and ask her if she's interested in going. Beforehand check out which bands are playing and know what kind of stuff they play so you can fill her in a little when she asks.

    Here's the schedule... also has links for information about each of the bands.

    Blues on the Green Schedule

    That's my quick/simple advice. I hope it goes well.
  13. TxArch

    TxArch 250+ Posts

    "Hey, wanna go out sometime?"
  14. Horny04

    Horny04 100+ Posts

    "Hey, what are you doing this weekend?"

    "I don't have any plans yet"

    "Cool, well, would you like to go to dinner with me then?"

    "Sure, I'd love to"

    Trust me, I have no skills with women, but 90% of the time you sit there and overthink the whole asking-out situation, and it ends up turning out just like the conversation above. I've gotten to the point where I don't even hesitate on asking a girl out for the first time, because you know it's going to go one of two ways.

    Now if you want to get her to keep going on dates with you, ask someone else's advice. [​IMG]
  15. LongIslandIceSIP

    LongIslandIceSIP 500+ Posts

    I think if you are a little bit nervous, which there is nothing to be ashamed about, you should start with something easy and low risk.

    Ask her out to a late brunch or lunch somewhere around congress, where there are lots of shops around. After lunch, take a walk with her and go get some ice-cream, or go into a book store and talk about books, or a music store and talk about music, or whatever.

    It will be a nice stroll and you get to find out more about each other. They key with it being during the day (lunch, brunch, etc) is that there is less pressure as to what "dinner" often implies in the date scene.

    Once you see how well it goes, then you can step it up a bit and ask her out on a night-time setting.

    Good luck.
  16. Punt on 1st Down

    Punt on 1st Down 100+ Posts

    There have been very good comments above but I suppose what it comes down to -- I just need to ask ... and have a plan for something to do.

    It's weird because you're just laying it on the line. And if she says no ... well ... that sucks.

    I've known this woman for about 2 years. I remember where we met -- Scholtz's. A friend and I talked to her for a few minutes and we both turned away and said "wow." I didn't see her for a couple of years but then I worked fairly closely with her for the last 4 months ... but we were in a work relationship so I couldn't ask her out.

    Now would be the time to ask her out.

    I just need to ask and have a plan.
  17. capnamerca

    capnamerca 500+ Posts

    It's always interesting to hear the dating advice in a vaccuum, since none of us really has a feel for what your on-going interaction is with this woman. Please don't think that I'm assuming ... that said ... I'd do a few rounds of rekindling the friendship first. You've met her before, probably interacted at some level - spend a few encounters (days, weeks, whatever the frequency is) just chatting. Ask how her day was. Ask how the dog is, about her mom, whatever. Just show interest, be friendly, and dammit, be interesting. Have input, have opinions, express the things that YOU like, and in equal portions, make sure to steer the conversation to things she likes.

    Do this, and the "way to ask her out" will become blatantly obvious. Loves dogs? Trip to the dog park! (even without the dogs ... honestly. In fact, there's your in-road to walking around town lake - just start on teh dog park side). Loves movies? How 'bout the drafthouse, with a margarita at Maudies after? These are just examples ... but hanging out with a friend that "might turn into something more" is infintely easier than "going out with guy I've met once two years ago."

    Again, I have no idea what your on-going relationship is right now. The above worked for me occasionally, before I was married. It's also how I got the date with my current wife [​IMG].
  18. Jive_Turkey

    Jive_Turkey 1,000+ Posts

    Sounds to me like you should say, "Hey ____, do you remember where we met?" She'll say yes, it was Sholtz's or no, she doesn't remember. Then you say, "Let's go over there on ______ for happy hour and have a beer or two." Do that. And if that goes well, have a plan for dinner. "Let's go over to ______ for some dinner."

    To go along with GOO's posts, be confident. Don't stammer and do the "I was just thinking, you know, if you don't have any plans this week, maybe we could do something. Or not. I don't know." Tell her, "Let's do this."

    As nervous as you are about this, who knows what is going on in this woman's world. You have some idea, but it may have been a while since a nice guy has asked her out. She might be chomping at the bit for some guy to show interest.

    You do realize that you have to post updates, right? Good luck brutha.
  19. Punt on 1st Down

    Punt on 1st Down 100+ Posts

    I don't mean to belabor the point or post a ridiculous number of times, but it's kind of important to me right now.

    I don't know what most people think is the most important thing in their life is, but for me it has usually been relationships with women (and of course family relationships are important). ... other than golf ...

    As I said earlier, I had a 7-year marriage and a subsequent 6-year relationship. I also had a 3-4 year relationship with a girl during the high school/college years. She was the love of my life, and oddly enough, she owns a home about 4 blocks from where I own my home. I have her cell number, but she has a boyfriend so I don't call her. Even though she's still beautiful, and I ride my bike over to her house about once a month, I don't know that I should be trying to revive 20-year old news.

    I don't know what she's like now, but she's #1 in my heart, ahead of my ex-wife and other primary girlfriend. There was another woman who I would put as #2 in the list of 4, but that's another story.

    Obviously, I'm simply trying to process this ... I've talked to my brother and another friend of mine but HornFans provides an opportunity to get other perspectives. I appreciate it.


    This potential woman seems like she could be the 5th significant woman in my life.

  20. SuperHero

    SuperHero 500+ Posts

    Working up the courage to ask is the hard part. Like removing a band-aid or getting into a cold pool. JUST DO IT. It's never as bad as it seems. Or it could go terribly wrong, but then it wasn't meant to be.

    A lot of people think dinner for the first date is too much (not to mention the activities you brought up!). What you need to do is ask her out for coffee say around 4-5PM. If things go well, ask her to have dinner with you - chances are she's hoping things go well, and won't have dinner plans yet. If over coffee, you find her totally unattractive or sense that she's bored, you can always abort and say you already have dinner plans.

    The activities you mentioned seem more like follow up date ideas. Good luck dude, hope it goes well.
  21. Horny04

    Horny04 100+ Posts

    I think the best thing to do is take action rather than keep thinking about it over and over. I've been like that in the past, and then I've gotten so worked up over just asking the girl out that it made it a much bigger let down when things didn't quite work out. You're building it up too much...which makes for a harder fall if it doesn't turn out the way you'd like.

  22. theropods

    theropods 250+ Posts

    If you knew her a while back and haven't seen her for a bit, this is a slam dunk.

    "We should get together for drinks/coffee/ice cream/whatever and catch up. What are you doing this weekend?

    It's asking on a date with no pressure. If no sparks are there, it was just catching up on old times.
  23. HenryGandorf

    HenryGandorf 250+ Posts

    the interesting thing about asking a girl out, is that it seems, at least to me, like there's never quite that "showdown" of a yes or a no. hard to explain i guess, but i can't remember ever really hearing "no thanks", and that's not to say i've never been turned down.

    typically, and this might not work in your case, i am in a situation where i get someone's number, and then call her. normally people don't answer calls they don't know, and most times, i actually want the machine. you leave the message, and it can be general, "just wanted to see what you were up to this week / weekend / whatever, so call me back."

    that is the ask out. the call back is the yes. the non call back is the no. i've certainly had chicks not call me back, but like i said, you may not even have to face the possiblity of a "no".

    however, you've known her for a while, and worked with her, so i don't know how you normally communicate. email? emails can work, if you can find some reason to shoot her an email about something, then ask what she's doing this weekend or some ****. girls ALWAYS know when you're asking them out. she will know, and will let you know her answer. an email could work like the call, and you will know the score based on her response. it sounds kinda chicken ****, and possibly immature, and i don't know how old you are, but that's the world we live in. there are some girls i've met once and never talked to on the phone, but i feel like i text with her about meeting up almost every weekend.

    back to the point, my advice is the good old saying - keep it simple, stupid. if you have a past work relationship, something like lunch might work best. drinks (even if you don't want them) work best because it can be 20 minutes or three hours, depending on how it's going. i would avoid dinner, concerts, biking, or anything complicated on the first date. if it goes well, there will be plenty of time for all that other ****.

    when you look back on your life, you want to talk about **** you did, not **** you didn't do.
  24. Punt on 1st Down

    Punt on 1st Down 100+ Posts

  25. rtchorn

    rtchorn 250+ Posts

    In my opinion, brunch/lunch dates are a bad idea. Yeah, it's more casual, but it also leaves some ambiguity as to your intentions and she might think it's a friendly thing. I tend to prefer weekday first dates, Thursday in particular. Besically, it gives the date a preset timeline. You can't stay out too late, you can't get too drunk, and there's not really the sexual pressure because you are both going to have to go to work the next day. Ask her if she's busy Wed or Thur night. If she says yes, then ask about the weekend. If she's still busy, it's a good bet she's not interested. No big deal. One thing, is don't obsess over her, which you alraedy seem to be doing. You're running the risk of freaking her out. I know, I've done it plenty of times myself.
  26. Punt on 1st Down

    Punt on 1st Down 100+ Posts

  27. TheYoungHorn

    TheYoungHorn 25+ Posts

    I am pretty sure you can just pm her.

    Because from what I heard, she posts on here too.
  28. Steel Shank

    Steel Shank 1,000+ Posts

    Ask her if she wants to brine a brisket.
  29. SuperHero

    SuperHero 500+ Posts

  30. Ankf00

    Ankf00 250+ Posts


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