jokes for yer big brain

Discussion in 'Esther's Follies' started by Dionysus, Jun 28, 2013.

  1. Vol Horn 4 Life

    Vol Horn 4 Life 5,000+ Posts

    I loved Steven Wright when I was a kid. One of my favorite lines went something like this, "I accidentally spilled spot remover on my dog and now I can't find him". Another was, "The other day I bought some batteries, but they weren't included so I had to buy them again".
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  2. Vino Bevo

    Vino Bevo Wine - how classy people get drunk

    Me too, "Every once in a while I like to poke my head out the window, look up at the sky, and smile for a satellite photo".
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  3. Vol Horn 4 Life

    Vol Horn 4 Life 5,000+ Posts

    I'm going to name my next dog stay so I can say come here stay, come here stay. He'll really be confused.
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  4. Driver 8

    Driver 8 Maybe

    More Steven Wright genius

    I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.
    Drugs may lead to nowhere but at least it's the scenic route.
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  5. BevoJoe

    BevoJoe 10,000+ Posts

    What's another word for Thesaurus?
  6. mchammer

    mchammer 10,000+ Posts

    How do you say “como se dice” in English?
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  7. BevoJoe

    BevoJoe 10,000+ Posts

    That's right.
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  8. BevoJoe

    BevoJoe 10,000+ Posts

    There was a little girl who had a little curl right in the middle of her
    When she was good, she was very, very good.
    But when she was bad........
    She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo and a sports car.
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    Last edited: May 6, 2021
  9. BevoJoe

    BevoJoe 10,000+ Posts

    She kept it fat and plastered;
    And when the price of pork went up,
    She shot the little bastard.
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  10. BevoJoe

    BevoJoe 10,000+ Posts

    Went up the hill
    To have a little fun.
    Stupid Jill forgot the pill
    And now they have a son.
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  11. humahuma

    humahuma 500+ Posts

    Andrew Dice Clay

    Jack and Jill went up the hill each with a buck and a quarter, Jill came down with two fifty.
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  12. Driver 8

    Driver 8 Maybe

    I like refried beans. I wanna try fried beans. Maybe they’re just as good and we’re wasting time.

    - Mitch Hedberg
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  13. BevoJoe

    BevoJoe 10,000+ Posts

    Four basic concepts I live by:

    1. To err is human, to forgive is Devine

    2. Neither a lender nor borrower be

    3. A penny saved is a penny earned

    4. A wise man does not piss into the wind
  14. The Eyes of Texas

    The Eyes of Texas 500+ Posts

    you forgot never shoot a large caliber man with a small caliber gun....

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