if they handcuff you, see if one of your co-workers can sneak in a photo. "your honor, I did not take that lady's toaster!" Hook'em!!!
Toaster Lady: Will this mockery never cease? Away with you. If there is one thing I cannot abide, it is being mocked! now, go! And take your grotesque toaster with you! [ runs Mrs.Mac out, as the locals mock her running ] I will not be mocked!! [ walks across the room, as the locals continue to mock her movements ] Was I wrong? Fire Marshal: Heavens no, your Highness. Her contempt was rendering on every toast. Wouldn't you say so, Thomas? Boss: Oh, yes, yes, yes.. The affrontary of her derisive toaster was surpassed only by her brazen gall! Toaster Lady: Exactly!
OK, the answer is obvious. We all mail a toaster up there to Mac. He sneaks over to the parking lot with a five gallon pail of Elmer's Glue and turns The Toaster Terrorist's car into a fine artmobile, completely covered bumper to bumper with 472 toasters, and she will be the envy of the entire post. This will cure both her junior high school maltreatment neurosis and her toaster kleptomania. Such a car would turn quite a few heads in Austin, you can't deny it.
Don't think just because you gave us a new tale of wonder that we forgot about the picture of the duct-taped toaster. Give it up! Does anyone else have a mental image of Angela, from the office, in BDUs when Mrs. Mac is telling her tale? Especially when sending out the emails - it's like the committee episode.
You should send out an email to everyone stating that you believe the person who stole the toaster also stole your boss' testicles. I can't believe he has let this go on. Sending out an email to everyone saying the sensitivity training should be rescheduled so you can make it because you somehow started her idiotic crusade should have gotten her fired. Voting is like gambling (when the results don't go your way)?
When I was in the navy our sub had a pickup assigned to it that we would use to haul **** around when we were in port. One time it got lost we weren't allowed to leave the sub till the pickup was found. We got a milk carton and cut out a picture of a similar pickup and taped it over the picture of the kid on the side of the milk carton, under the "Have you seen me" and put it in the XO's inbox. He was not amused but we laughed for hours. You should do the same. Cut out a picture of a toaster and tape it to a milk carton and put it on her desk. Believe me it will be priceless. That should complete the nervous breakdown, send her over the edge and out of your workplace.
Your boss is a huge *****. He is in the best position to tell her to shut the f**k up. I can't believe she called the MP's. It is amazing that someone can be this stupid. Is she represenative of all Alaskans? The milk carton idea would be hilarious but would probably get you in trouble.
Wow. That was priceless. The MPs came to our office, but fortunately, crazy toaster lady was with a patient, so I go to talk to them first. Plus, I had recently done both of their employment physicals....I wonder if that helped. So when she came out of her office and saw the MP's she directed them to the breakroom which is most central to the entire office so everyone could hear. This completely backfires on her. She dictated her 15-20 minute version of events as the MPs patiently took notes. As she finished her tale, she stared eagerly at them waiting for them to walk across the room and slap some cuffs on me. Instead, the older MP says,"are you sure you want to press charges for a stolen toaster, Ma'am? I mean technically, we could have you arrested for theft and destruction of property. We don't even know if their was any theft of your toaster. Do you have a picture of said toaster in your possesion. We've talked to almost everyone in the office and no one recalls using or even seeing the toaster you describe?! Did you recieve a note regarding the missing toaster?" Toaster lady's face turned white as her bottom lip dropped. She immediately started a 10 minute tearful explanation of how my toaster was broken accidentally and how she tried to fix it. The MPs said they would let her slide this time. My entire office had to hold their breath until she walked back into her office and shut the door before they started laughing.
For some reason I now have a mental image of this toaster lady as one of the infamous "cat lady" type, but instead of cats, shes got a bunch of toasters, all of which she's very attached to. Kind of like this... or maybe this kid...
Priceless. I have tears in my eyes from laughing. Where do we mark this for the classics threads. I know it is not football, but it is truly a classic Hornfans thread. I was wondering when she was calling the MP's if she had forgotten she had stolen and broken your toaster. Dah!
Yeah - my physical impression of her is looking like Phyllis, but acting like Angela. But wearing BDUs. Is this woman actually in the Army or is she a civilian working at the hospital? I grew up in Army hospitals (mom was a nurse - LtCol), so I know there's usually a bunch of civilians working there as well.
Your co-workers have tremendous self-control for holding in the laughter...I would have EXPLODED. Predictions for next sighting of Toaster Lady? I say, she doesn't come to work tomorrow, and when neighbors go check on her she's laying on floor with empty bottle of Smirnoff's laying next to her. Hook'em!!!
