You too can be a SuperfanAre you tired of having co-workers make fun of your college football team?Do you dream about being able to come up with snappy responses that get results? Do you secretly envy your rival team’s recruiting ability and overall record and feel that your team has no hope of catching up? If so, we have a proven program that can turn you into the superfan of the next linoleum. Agromania Productions presents - YOU TOO CAN BE A SUPERFAN cassette series. Never again let your team’s losing record, coaching blunders, substandard facilities, and ridiculous traditions get in the way of thumping your chest proudly as the master of your cubicle. Texas Agricultural & Machinery University Fighting Texas Aggie 12thMan foundation members are known worldwide for their SUPERFAN status. They have agreed to share their time proven secrets in this cassette series that will transform the weakest of fans into tunnel visionaries of the first order. Learn and master these and other comebacks on tape 1 that will leave your co-workers stunned and shaking their heads. “Oh yeah, well you are a homo.” “Oh yeah, well your mascot’s logo looks like a flying (insert female reproductive organ here).” “Oh yeah, well I saw one of your school’s students one time and they had green hair and nose rings.” “Oh yeah, well there is this homeless guy that lives in (insert rival school home town) and he wears women’s clothing.” Yes, these and more snappy one-liners can be your today. But wait, there is more. Tape 2 in the series covers recruiting smack and will load you up with gems such as: “Oh yeah, well we didn’t offer.” “Oh yeah, well your guys are overrated and our guys are underrated.” “Oh yeah, well (insert rival coach) is evil and hypnotizes the recruits.” “Oh yeah, well the gurus are all on (insert rival coach)’s payroll.” “Oh yeah, well I hear he is a homo anyhow.” Yes, these are truly amazing tapes that can transform your life. But wait, there is more. Tape 3 will unlock the secrets of tormenting your rival. -You will learn how to invert and not capitalize the initials of your rival and fling them back in a disrespectful manner at will. -You will learn how to take a common beverage, like tea, and the first letter of your rival’s name and form a clever moniker that will torment them until the end of time and keep you constantly amused. -You will learn to repeat over and over again that your rival’s school colors are ugly and yours are great until you actually believe it and can say it with conviction. -You will learn the mathematical secrets of selective statistics that will enable you to ignore cumulative records and extract actual random figures that make your rival look bad. Yes, you will certainly cherish the disrespectful nature of the tormenting tape. But wait, there is more. Tape 4 covers chants and pagan rituals. The chants and pagan rituals of Texas Agriculture & Machinery University are uniquely theirs, but we have included some new ideas that you are free to use for your team. Chant ideas like: “Take a seat, zookeeper.” “Zwiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip, Zwiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip” “Razzle-dazzle, Achuuuga Achuuuga” Pagan ritual ideas like: -Burning a symbol of your rival on top of a big pile of combustible material doused with jet fuel. -Walking around campus in the manner of a large quadruped, like a walrus. -Squeezing the genitalia of the person seated directly behind you when your team scores. -Using a special stance called “hunkering it” while you practice yelling in groups. All these tapes in this exciting series can be yours today for the low price of just $29.99, but wait! If you order in the next 30 minutes we will throw in as a special gift this remarkable new book. Rev. Tilton’s - Paying your recruits Supernaturally Learn through the power of giving donations to the right people that you can pay your recruits without leaving a paper trail and even deduct your donation as a charitable gift. What an inspiring bonus offer this is. Call now and become a Superfan. Available in 8 track and those new little cassette with 2 sides.
I can see this one heading to the Classics. Great work. "Oklahoma. The only state Arkansas can make fun of" - Bill Hicks
"Razzle-Dazzle, Achuuuuga Achuuuuga" Don't say that one too loud or we might hear it in Kyle in 2001. Classic!
I feel I should be offended by the disparagement of my name, but I am laughing too hard right now. That is some funny ****. (______) (@ @) (oo)
You forgot "From the inside we are completely lost, and from the outside looking in, we can not be found" "Release the robotic Richard Simmons"
What about the "How to build a bonfire" tape? I would really like to purchase that one. Aggies: Meet the decline...
"Squeezing the genitalia of the person seated directly behind you when your team scores." I think I just pissed in my pants Good stuff
I'll put my $29.99 down if I can also get some tips on " How to Never Let the Facts Get in the Way of a Good Argument. "
Priceless. When I ordered, I received a postcard that enabled me to order the bonus leaflet, "Overcoming Intentionally Pre-Moistened Playing Surfaces Through the Magic of Specially Engineered Footwear." A must-read. ———— "Bush ... Gore. Bush ... Gore. Isn't that what they use to decide whether a movie is NC-17 or R?" — Dennis Miller
Hilarious. Is it appropriate to laugh outloud while at work like some kind of deranged banshee? "Midgets boys, and plenty of 'em."
I'll take the 8 track please...do you except the Sears credit card? The Link The link for "how the mind controlin began"
Is there a tape for larning how to chase old ladies and children off your sacred grass with your Ginsu? If so, i'll take one of those and an extra Ginsu.
Looks like A&M is serious about upgrading their facilities - they've taken Fish Camp and licensed it to Agromania Productions to raise the needed monies.
I liked the part about overall records... haha... they'll say "oh well, we won 1 out of 2" or "9 out of 15" or whatever the hell they can do to make themselves look good...
Of course. When the disparity in wins is that great, you have to choose VERY carefully what years you want to look at in the rivalry.
This is priceless. I'm holding out until they couple this with an offer in the aTm Self Defense Course: How to Protect Your Field by Beating Up Women" and "Swords Vs. Cheerleaders--How to Get the Most Out of Your Weapon". The Orange Conspiracy--from the outside, you can't see it, from the inside you can't talk about it.
I hunt for Stan and cfs60 posts. Looking forward to a great year guys. Kaneck, Kaneck. If God had not wanted them sheared, He would not have made them sheep!
Superb! I think I am going to print this one out, which is a true rare occurence for me. "For me to poop on." -Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog.
No kidding Will, that was funny. You don't realize how weird some of the rituals are until you see them in parody, and no one does parody like Stan. BTW- Can I be a superfan too? I saw Leslie one time on the drag my junior year, that makes me an automatic "in" as far as I can tell.
I forgot to give special thanks to Kendall for some of the inspiration behind this post. "If you do away with all the stuff that creates tradition, then A&M is nothing more than a Harvard South." James Fuqua
That has to be one of the funniest posts I have ever read. I can almost hear the "gameshow voice" imploring me to buy NOW! And I see the blue screen and yellow lettering with the "Box 4, Atlanta, GA" address on it. Hahaha...LMFAO. Hoop
